The Turkey Dump
BY DANIELLE LORENZ, MACINSIDERS
When I initially thought of Turkey Dump, I imagined fowl, feathers, and, well, poop. In actuality, I am referring to the phenomenon that afflicts a large majority of couples who try to date long-distance during their first year away at post-secondary institutions. A Turkey Dump is when a college or university student returns home from their educational institution during the Thanksgiving holiday to break up with their significant other. This is often one of the first times a student goes home for the year, and as a result one of the first times a relationship can be ended in person.
The Turkey Dump and Gen-Y
Long distance relationships have been a part of Western culture for centuries. For example, sailors would often be gone for months at a time during the warmer months in order to procure wealth for their families. In nineteenth century British fiction, females would always be depicted as pining over their lovers. Lastly, whenever a man went to war, he would often leave his girlfriend/fiancé/wife behind, as was evident in both the First and Second World Wars. On the other hand, The Turkey Dump has become a large part of Generation-Y, and more so than any other generation. It was not until the apathetic Gen-Xers came along that going to post-secondary education was common for all socioeconomic classes, and as a result more young adults would be subject to long-distance relationships than ever before, since the majority of individuals would stay close to where they grew up and then raise their families there.
But I can’t really say why for sure more of us break up en masse at the same time of year than couples did in the past. Maybe it’s because marriage and relationships were a much bigger deal once upon a time. Or perhaps it has something to do with the fact that the parents of Gen-Y children always told us we could do and have anything we want to, and thus we never want to settle when things get a little bit tough.
Scott McCarter created a Turkey Dump website in 2006 when he noticed that a lot of couples would be break up during the Thanksgiving weekend while at home. The site has user stories, e-cards and a forum all about the Turkey Dump. You can check it out
here.
Since the Turkey Dump has become such a large part of contemporary Western culture in recent years, it has become part of academia too. University of Guelph Masters student Duncan Stewart included the Turkey Dump occurrence as part of his sociology thesis on Anticipatory Coping. Stewart was looking into how people would prepare in advance to negative situations, such as being dumped unexpectedly; which is what often happens in a Turkey Dump. Other studies, including those in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology state that up to 74 per cent of first-year undergraduate long-distance relationships will fail by the end of first year.
My Story
Long-distance relationships (be they with friends, family or romantic partners) can be incredibly difficult. I would know. Everything for me is long-distance. It is about a fifteen to twenty minute drive for me to get to public transit, which happens to be the distance to Brampton, the next-largest city. Most of the friends I met while studying at McMaster live an hour or more away, so if we ever want to get together there needs to be a lot of planning involved.
In addition, my partner (who I met at Mac) is from another province (Alberta), and goes home in the summer to spend time with his family. This fall he is doing a post-graduate degree from UBC while I am still at Mac. The Thanksgiving weekend is nearly done, and unfortunately we didn’t get to see each other. However we get to see each other next weekend, which makes me (and him) happy! Although we got through this holiday season, we still have a long way to go before we can end up even in the same province, let alone living in the same city.
For the Dumper:
The hardest thing you may need to consider while in a long-distance relationship is that feelings can change, and it is totally okay if they do. If you have decided to end your relationship, you now have no restrictions when it comes to getting out and meeting new people, something that can definitely happen if you were in a relationship before going to school.
This is the perfect time for you to get to know the girl in your Psych class, or that guy in your Chem class. You no longer have anything holding you back.
Your university or college is going to be larger than your high school, and will have a much different variety of people. Approximately half of your school’s population will be of the other gender, so this gives you ample opportunity for you to meet someone who has more of the same interests as you.
Being in a relationship can really hinder your ability to meet new people. This is especially important in first year, as the friends you will make there can help you get through your classes; will give you something to do when not in class/studying; will get you involved in extra-curricular activities; and likely be someone you will keep in touch with for the rest of your life.
For the (Rather Unfortunate) Dumpee:
If you’re reading this part of the article you’ve been dumped (or if you haven’t you think my writing is awesome so you’re reading the article in its entirety), and probably aren’t feeling too great about yourself at the moment. I’ve been dumped in some pretty cruel ways myself, so I know how you feel: sometimes you just don’t see these things coming.
What to do now? Move on. What it takes can really vary from person-to-person, but usually you mourn your relationship for a little while, accept why this wasn’t a good match, and then get yourself back out there. This may take you some time, or only a little while. Regardless of how soon you are ready to date again, make sure you are spending your time outside of class, homework, and sleep around other people. By surrounding yourself in the company of others you will be able to make the connections that will eventually lead to a date.
Think about all of the amazing and awesome things you do and why others like to be around you. Keep doing the things that make you the amazing individual you are (or maybe try some new things), and you will meet a whole group of people you never could have met if you were still pining over your ex. This is the best time of your life to meet new people so get out and do it!
Remember that you’re not the only person going through this. Many other students are going through the same thing as you, so don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and meet new people. There are multiple ways you can do it in university or college such as joining clubs, student government, intramurals, volunteering, or working. You will meet someone else, in time. Don’t sweat it!
