I recently went through the loss of a close family member, and it has been very hard. For the holidays, my family usually does several Christmas parties, inviting extended family and friends.
I'm having a very difficult time with our loss, and I've decided it would be easier this year if I just spend time with immediate family and forgo the big festivities. My family is pressuring me to take part in all the holiday parties, but I really don't feel up to it. What should I do?

I have a counsellor who told me sometimes it's best to be "selfish" and do what Iwant, since this has been such a difficult time emotionally. But I feel like my family is of the opinion that "We are sucking it up and going through the holiday parties, so should you."

Please keep in mind, I'm 22 years old and I don't live at home - so I'm not obligated to go to any of these family events. I'm just really getting pressured to go and I'm not sure what to do.

Thanks for any advice!

If you don't think you're ready, I just wouldn't go.

My father died when I was younger, and after his death, my mom, sister, and I decided that we were going to be selfish at Christmas time. We always have Christmas day at home. If people want to see us on that specific day, they can come to us. It's bothered several people in our family, especially my grandmother (father's mom), who wants us to go and spend Christmas at her place with the rest of his side of the family, but we've continuously declined the invitation. He wasn't that close with his family, and we'd just rather relax at home and avoid all the family drama. In the end, we do what's best for us at Christmas time.

However, I will warn you that sometimes it's harder to get back into the groove of things if you avoid social situations after the loss of someone close to you. It's sometimes easier to suck it up and face people even if you don't feel particularly ready, instead of putting it off.

In the end, it's obviously up to you. Do what you feel is best for you.

Do what you want.

Maybe give one a try and see how it goes, but don't end up putting pressure on yourself.

Thanks for the replies! I appreciate you guys giving some advice.

I do not understand how a counselor is in a position to give advice. Has he/she been in your position? If yes than sure go ahead and take advice from a counselor. Otherwise I don't see the point. I believe that you are your best teacher. So whatever you feel comfortable with you do. If you are doing it to please someone else, you are doing it for the wrong intentions.

I lost both of my grandparents on my mother's side right around Christmas in the last 6 years. Christmas kinda sucked for the first few years but I found spending time with my fathers side of the family made me associate the holidays with the fun happy stuff again.

I suggest that you do enjoy the holidays because I can guarantee that your loved one did not want you to mope but you are under no obligation to become a social butterfly again until you are ready. It is important to spend time with your family so I would not skip out on those gatherings but parties of family friends are optional. You could always show up a little bit late, make a 20min appearance and then leave, go hide in your room, realize that you really need to do some last minute shopping or go for a nice long walk.

Hey,I recently lost my father this year and I can see where you coming from. Just do what you think you should, everyone is different!
Also keep in mind that life is short in essence, so spending time with family if they mean a lot to you, is less time you'll have in the end to spend time and create memories with.
It's hard,but you gotta be strong!