Hello,

There's something I've been randomly thinking about. People often say you should be yourself and shouldn't change your ways for anyone.. What if someone is naturally mean? Should they try to change and become a nicer person or wait until the right person comes along to accept their nature and go from there?

It all depends on what type of people you wan't to attract or be friends with. Not everyone likes nice people, but generally most people don't like mean people. If you wanna be friends with a group of assholes (i don't know if you mean, mean, to this extent) then don't change. Though some people will tolerate you, most people will try to avoid you.

If you want to be friends with nice people then it would be a good idea to change, completely, not just to get the friends. You don't have to extremely change, but moderately would be OK.

This is 100% my opinion (which changes a lot)

It's just a lie that people fortunate enough to be born of good constitution tell us plebs.
It only works if you are naturally optimistic, talented, energetic, extroverted, ambitious etc.
But I guess they need someone to clean the toilets, so try to convince us to be ourselves and that everything works out in the end.

I think it's more important to just not compare yourself to others, versus changing yourself for others. Your "mean" may not be another persons "mean"

Depends on how you feel; do you feel happy by being just you or do you feel more happier if you changed into someone who is different from the 'real' you who is perhaps more assertive? More friendly? Or more slick?

Although I have to say that in reality there are situations that you just cannot be the 'real' you, if you choose to be the 'real' you then you might be seen as the odd one and the one who has less advantages in the society.

Being yourself - i guess everyone has their unique personality.
I don't see "mean" as a personality trait because someone outgoing and shy can both be "mean". That's your character.
I guess being yourself means, don't try too hard to please others to get attention, it'll appear fake.

in my opinion being yourself means not to fear judgement and not to compare yourself to others in terms of material things. i think to me it's more like don't follow the crowd just because everyone else is. following the crowd isn't a "bad" thing, but it shouldn't just be because all these other people are.

Originally Posted by shreebee

in my opinion being yourself means not to fear judgement and not to compare yourself to others in terms of material things. i think to me it's more like don't follow the crowd just because everyone else is. following the crowd isn't a "bad" thing, but it shouldn't just be because all these other people are.

That works great if you like being alone for the rest of your life. I have been following that type of mindset since highschool and all that has yielded is depression and isolation. Conformity is part of nature, and people are abhor that which is different.
The ever expanding "your are a special snowflake" dogma has led to the destruction of many a young man, as we grow up actually thinking that as humans we have some inherent worth and value.
This is complete fabrication, all you are is the sum total of utility you can provide others, and by ignoring social ques that steer you to be more useful and well acclimated you cripple your future.

What I took from that years ago was to never be fake and don't hide your interests just because you don't think others wouldn't like them. Like if you hang out with people who like soccer and you don't then don't pretend to like it since people usually do notice. Instead try to find other common interests. Don't be a jerk to others and try you force your opinion down their throats if you know it won't get anywhere, but by talking about things you like even if you aren't sure if they do then you may find out others you know have the same interest too but had no reason to bring it up.

Originally Posted by WillyH

That works great if you like being alone for the rest of your life. I have been following that type of mindset since highschool and all that has yielded is depression and isolation. Conformity is part of nature, and people are abhor that which is different.
The ever expanding "your are a special snowflake" dogma has led to the destruction of many a young man, as we grow up actually thinking that as humans we have some inherent worth and value.
This is complete fabrication, all you are is the sum total of utility you can provide others, and by ignoring social ques that steer you to be more useful and well acclimated you cripple your future.

you're right, conformity is natural. but then how are we supposed to differentiate ourselves from everyone else?
sure you have to be presentable as in how you dress or behave per society's "standards" but being yourself involves having your own style, and being confident in that style. be confident in what you believe.
i think the biggest part of "being yourself" for me is not to sacrifice my morals or values in the name of being "Cool" and "acceptable"

Most people just wear the type of clothing that the people they want to be associated with also wear.
You can not not conform in one or another, unless maybe you live in the woods and make your own clothing from what you have available, and maybe even then you are just a woodland hipster of some sort. You can have a style, sure, but it's hardly your own or unique.
Morals and values are pretty much the essence of conformity, as it is society that instills these within you. There is nothing wrong with them ofcourse, but unless it's something like living in the west and zealously believing in cannibalism or human sacrifice, then you are hardly facing serious moral dilemmas.

well if you can take everything and somehow stretch it so far, then yes no one can "be themselves" and there is no concept of uniqueness at all.

Originally Posted by shreebee

well if you can take everything and somehow stretch it so far, then yes no one can "be themselves" and there is no concept of uniqueness at all.

Now we just have to wait for the singularity

People say don't change for anyone, this statement is false as studies show that environmental conditions shape an individual, their surrounding, the group of people they hang out etc So if you hang out with mean people you will pick up that attitude, on the other hand the same is true for nice people. So try to be with people who are better than you so you can learn and advance and avoid those who make you fall