Found out today that my ex, who broke up with me because we were always too physical, is having a fling with a guy she says she barely knows and doesn't really talk to.

Worst part is she's the one who told me!

I know it's been a month and I should be over this, but I was seeing this girl for almost three and a half years and I'm really hurt by this.

Any advice?

Originally Posted by arathbon

Found out today that my ex, who broke up with me because we were always too physical, is having a fling with a guy she says she barely knows and doesn't really talk to.

Worst part is she's the one who told me!

I know it's been a month and I should be over this, but I was seeing this girl for almost three and a half years and I'm really hurt by this.

Any advice?

girls like to hurt and manipulate guys; they enjoy making their lives seem like soap opera's or gossip girl. Clearly she told you about her fling just to once again make you feel like shit. My advice is move on have your own little fling(s) if you want (tell her if you want; give her a taste of your own medicine), maybe later she'll see what she's missing, maybe she won't, lifes to short to worry about one girl that doesn't care about you.

Move on buddy. She told you to hurt you. Your response should be to not care. And IGNORE HER.
What you shouldnt do, is just have a fling to get revenge. Not cool bro.
But a fling for the sake of a fling... meh.
However, don't tell her you're having flings. What you dont want to do is turn this into a war to see who can have the most flings. (she's a girl, she'll win).
What you should do is just cut all ties to her. I would say ignoring her would be the best revenge. And just move on.

Well, one way that I've found somewhat helps is to write her a letter saying exactly how you feel. Obviously you aren't actually going to send it, but it can really help you figure out where your head is at. Just make sure you toss it afterwards- it can be a bit weird if one of your friends finds it. It might make you feel worse for a little bit, but it will help in the long run.

And while I certainly wouldn't advocate trying to drown your problems in liquor, a night out drinking with some close friends can be pretty cathartic in situations like this. Delete her number from your phone first (as well as her friend's numbers), just as an extra precaution against drunk dialing.

Keeping her number out of your phone might also be a good idea. I know you guys were close and everything, but chances are any contact is just going to make you feel worse. Delete her from facebook and MSN, and if later things are less strained you can re-add her.

I know you've probably been getting a lot of this piece of advice, but just stay busy. You'll be less likely to think about her when you're distracted with other stuff. And the more time passes, the less it will hurt.

Originally Posted by Marlowe

Well, one way that I've found somewhat helps is to write her a letter saying exactly how you feel. Obviously you aren't actually going to send it, but it can really help you figure out where your head is at. Just make sure you toss it afterwards- it can be a bit weird if one of your friends finds it. It might make you feel worse for a little bit, but it will help in the long run.

lol thnks ted mosby

Sounds to me like she just used that excuse because she possibly didn't want to tell you the real reason. I have no idea why someone would actually do this, but I think her being hypocritical was just an easier way to end things. The fact that she then started this fling and told you baffles me...why are people so cold??
Anyways, if she's doing these things, then forget about her and move on, there's better people out there. If you are still curious as to why she did this, just confront her and ask straight up. Tell her that you don't understand her actions and deserve to know (at least I would want to have a straight answer as to why the relationship was ended)
Good luck!!

The best revenge is to ignore her. She's doing it just for the attention, perhaps she felt you didn't respond the way she wanted to when she broke it off with you.

And if she tries to talk to you or whatever, just pretend you're casual friends with her. It'll drive her nuts

yea I agree with that as well (if you are not compelled to get answers regarding the absurd behavior) I find cutting off all ties helps...especially because I'm a terrible grudge holder

Originally Posted by Marlowe

Well, one way that I've found somewhat helps is to write her a letter saying exactly how you feel. Obviously you aren't actually going to send it, but it can really help you figure out where your head is at. Just make sure you toss it afterwards- it can be a bit weird if one of your friends finds it. It might make you feel worse for a little bit, but it will help in the long run.

Originally Posted by manap3000

lol thnks ted mosby

Hahahahaha. Thats soo ted mosby

Go on a fling and then tell her about it after

Forget about her. Start moving on. She's clearly not interested anymore and she's using this fling to fuel your jealousy and get some attn.
Especially if you two were together for so long, being too physical is not a reason to break up. If that were the real reason, she would've just chosen to discuss it and change it. She's clearly over it. You need to move on as well, don't let her continue to manipulate you.
Manap3000 put it very well: "Girls like to hurt and manipulate guys" especially if you let them.

I found out she lied and its actually a friend of hers she's been seeing since a week after the breakup.

I haven't told her, but i've completely cut her out of my life.

Originally Posted by arathbon

I haven't told her, but i've completely cut her out of my life.

That's probably the best thing to do, if they are gonna treat you like crap, then there's no use letting them still be a part of your life.

Hey man, I got out of the worst relationship possible a few months ago. Sometimes it's best just to not try specifically to get over her, but keep busy with other things. Get involved in a club, meet some new people, and you know what if you think you're over her there's no reason not to get back into the dating scene or even the hookup/fling/club etc scene. Seeing another girl can help you get that final push into getting over a girl, so fast.

Originally Posted by arathbon

I haven't told her, but i've completely cut her out of my life.

Good for you man. Revenge isn't the way to go. Two wrongs don't make a right, keep your dignity intact and try to remember there are always other girls.

I did want to point out one thing however...I don't want to be insensitive in any way, but you've spent 3 and a half years with this person. You need to take a step back, and figure out what went wrong. It's going to hurt no matter how you slice it...but you need to keep your guard up to prevent this type of situation in the future.

There was clearly some sort of miscommunication between you since your feelings (at least hearing your side of the story) were developing in a different way than hers. If you were going out for a few months and suddenly you found this out, that would be one thing...but after 3 and a half years you should be forming a very deep connection...it doesn't seem she has.

My best guess is that she wasn't being completely honest and gave you a phoney excuse (but I don't know her so a guess doesn't mean much). If that is the case, you should try to reflect on the time you've spent with her and see if you can identify what it was.

Beyond that however, curiosity killed the cat. Try not to get her involved again, you've cut her loose, keep it that way.


I also want to play devil's advocate here and, contrary to the other posters, discourage you from dating/clubbing/etc. for a little while. You hardly seem ready (reading into your posts a bit...could be wrong), and 'rebound' relationships/flings/etc. have a tendency to go sour. Don't make any more mistakes until you regain a level head.

And aside from that, not much else to say except I'm pulling for ya...it's tough and it hurts no question. We're all here for support.