1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
>
> 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
>
> (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
>
> (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
>
> (c) After wrecking your boss's car.
>
> (d) When she is using her teeth.
>
> 3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and
> eaten by his friends.
>
> 4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
> forever unless you actually marry her.
>
> 5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.
>
> However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
>
> 6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
>
> In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that
> point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
>
> 7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
> weakest.
>
> 8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask
> the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
>
> 9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
> climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
> entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your
> girlfriend.
>
> 10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
> sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and
> only when it's free.
>
> 11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
> kick another guy in the nuts.
>
> 12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
>
> 13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
>
> 14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
>
> 15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies
> until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
> much as the other sports watchers.
>
> 16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
> sober enough to fight.
>
> 17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
> but not both, that's just greedy.
>
> 18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about
> his choice of beer.
>
> 19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
> except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
>
> 20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e.,
> both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an
> almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
>
> 21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than
> you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if
> necessary.
>
> 22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have
> carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is
> no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs
> about what a big mistake it was.
>
> 23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her
> to drive yours.
>
> 24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green,
> orange or sky blue.
>
> 25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?'
> with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 End of
> story.
>
> 26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
>
> Ever.
>
> 27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
> know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
> definition of each is listed below:
>
> * 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
> assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you
> still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'
>
> * 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
> perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the
> ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'
>
> I hope this clears up any confusion,

...

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