I just feel like asking for no other reason than "just cause" - when it comes to a person of particularinterest or a significant other, which personality type do people here prefer, and what kind of person are you? An introvert or extravert (or somewhere in the middle), and shy or outgoing (or somewhere in the middle)? But of course before we get things started, I'd like a few things to be clear first so here goes:

When I'm talking about introverts, I mean an introvert is a person who is introspective, taking life internally first, then externally (so someone who may live more in their heads as opposed to the physical world) and someone who gains energy from being alone whilst draining energy in being around other people, therefore not requiring too much social stimuli. With people they prefer one on one or in smaller groups of people they know than in crowds, and are not too fond of being in the spotlight. They also have a propensity towards being rather territorial. By no means does this mean they're all antisocial people-haters, and not to be confused with shyness. Introverted behavior closely resembles shyness and they can be shy, but you can have outgoing introverts who are introverts who are very gregarious and out there, but still have quite some limits with how long they can keep it up before they need alone time.

And when I talk about an extravert, I am talking about someone who works in just about every opposite way the introvert does. Extraverts live from the outside-in, living through the external physical world first, and then processing it internally. They gain energy from being around others, but deplete it while being alone, thus requiring more social stimulation. Simply, with people, the more the merrier! They are not too keen on being alone. And of course being in the spotlight may not only be something that not only doesn't bother them, but something they enjoy. Obviously that doesn't mean all extraverts are just loud and superficial people, and although extraverted behavior resembles more of an outgoing personality, it doesn't mean you won't have any shy ones - extraverts who want and seek their desired amounts of social stimulation, but who are too socially anxious to initiate or carry on interaction.

Shyness/Outgoing: shyness is social anxiety, and outgoing is a lack of social anxiety. Both can be experienced anywhere on the spectrum from crippling to nonexistent, all depending on the person. But of course you won't find many people who sit at or very close to either extreme, and most people are somewhere in the middle, maybe leaning more on one side.

And one more thing: introversion and extraversion runs on a sort of spectrum as well, so not everyone will clearly be one or the other, and as with being shy or outgoing, there will not always be extremes in either group.

Whew, now let's see what you guys think! You don't have to restrict yourselves only on my particular question, so feel free to add you own thoughts! I'd like to hear them. Thanks in advance

I almost feel like I had a hand in inspiring this on the gamer girl thread, so...

We should also distinguish shyness from social anxiety/confidence kind of issues and shyness due to being (excessively?) polite (in public :K) and quiet.

Introverted. Quite shy depending on the situation (kickass when I have a PPT at my back, but would rather shoot myself than say hi to the kid sitting next to me in lecture; can be quite chatty with my friends/people I have talked to a few times, absolutely refuse to stop and inconvenience the whole class to ask a question)

Don't have a preference really for any of the four, probably would be more wary of someone popular.

Im probably quite hard to get to know on a personal level ... come off as cold, distant, akward and maybe mean because I do not make interpersonal connections easily at all (like, srsy, its pathetic :/). The first conversation that is pretty much impossible for me to initiate, afterwards I can chat quite effectively...even if I'll balk at "going out for Sushi" (I don't seek out people at all, and rarely keep in touch outside that class we have together. Its just really hard for me to take that step and make a really strong, lasting kind of friendship).

And what about you, mademoiselle? You described personality types well, but didn't mention where you sit.

I don't like shy people because I'm a bit shy myself.. just makes things difficult..

INTJ!


I don't really get what this thread is about. Clearly introverts will tend to prefer other introverts, and extroverts want other people who can keep up with their talkyness.

I'm an introvert but not shy at all. I have no problems striking up conversations with strangers at a party, introducing myself to people, etc. But I have to be in the mood to go out in the first place and definitely need/treasure my alone time. My friends are a mix of both intro and extroverts, don't really have a preference. But when it comes to dating, I prefer extroverts.

Originally Posted by RyanC

I don't really get what this thread is about. Clearly introverts will tend to prefer other introverts, and extroverts want other people who can keep up with their talkyness.

I'm inclined to disagree. There are introverts and extroverts who seek people similar to themselves, but there's rarely conflict when they run into each other. If anything, there's a kind of harmony obtained with a balanced amount of both-- as a simple example, the extroverts can provide topics for the introverts to ponder over, and allow them an outlet for their thoughts. As they do so, the extroverts can gain some insight they might not have been expecting to gain.

It might just be me, but it seems like intro/extroversion is something that's native to one person's mindset, whereas the degree of one's shyness can vary based on the context.

For the sake of imagery, let's imagine an XY plot with both axes bound at -5 and +5. On the X-axis, we have extreme shyness (-5) and on the other side, extreme confidence (+5). Similarly, extreme introversion is at -5 of the Y-axis, and extroversion at +5. For myself, I think that while I'm quite fixed around -4 on the Y-axis, I can "slide" around the X-axis to a certain degree, maybe between -3 and +2, while my default position is around -2. This is probably just because some situations demand a degree of outgoingness (job interviews, parties and such) and I don't have too much of a problem adjusting if I feel like it.

With respect to what I'm looking for, I'm of the "opposites attract"-viewpoint: two shy people won't be able to work up the courage to talk to each other, and if they do, conversations will tend to be shallow because both of them are too concerned with what the other thinks. Two outgoing people will try to out-talk one another, which can just as bad (in the context of relationships, at least). But like I mentioned above, a shy person and an outgoing one can bring out different sides of each other, leading to a more engaging relationship. While I'll admit there's usually more appeal in the "shy" character in movies/books/video games/other media, realistically speaking I'm more likely to end up with someone that'll help get the thoughts of my head.

Of course, I'm oversimplifying-- things aren't ever so black and white and there are bound to be exceptions, but that's just a general view of what I think works.

Also woo 888th post! I'm glad I made it a good one instead of like, "back off my Clementine".

Originally Posted by britb

I almost feel like I had a hand in inspiring this on the gamer girl thread, so...

We should also distinguish shyness from social anxiety/confidence kind of issues and shyness due to being (excessively?) polite (in public :K) and quiet.

Introverted. Quite shy depending on the situation (kickass when I have a PPT at my back, but would rather shoot myself than say hi to the kid sitting next to me in lecture; can be quite chatty with my friends/people I have talked to a few times, absolutely refuse to stop and inconvenience the whole class to ask a question)

Don't have a preference really for any of the four, probably would be more wary of someone popular.

Im probably quite hard to get to know on a personal level ... come off as cold, distant, akward and maybe mean because I do not make interpersonal connections easily at all (like, srsy, its pathetic :/). The first conversation that is pretty much impossible for me to initiate, afterwards I can chat quite effectively...even if I'll balk at "going out for Sushi" (I don't seek out people at all, and rarely keep in touch outside that class we have together. Its just really hard for me to take that step and make a really strong, lasting kind of friendship).

And what about you, mademoiselle? You described personality types well, but didn't mention where you sit.

You make a good point about further distinguishing the difference between these things as well, and I was considering mentioning some of that stuff in my OP, but for the sake of simplicity (not that in the end I kept everything as simple as I planned), I just decided to distinguish those four things.

And you got me there! So here's where I sit:
I am very introverted. I need at least a couple hours a day alone, which doesn't always mean I'll go and hole myself in my room or play video games all day (both of which I still do), but blocking people out when you're not physically alone is a useful tactic I use especially since I'm part of a large family that is mostly made up of outgoing extraverts. I can be very territorial with my space and my stuff, and I don't need people every day and all the time as there comes a point where it feels invasive. I can spend anywhere from several hours to a few weeks alone at a time without interacting with anyone I don't live, go to class, or work with if I've met my social threshold.

You pretty much described my shyness for me. I am also pretty shy, and am not the type to initiate any "unnecessary" contact with others, preferring to keep to myself. This at times also makes me come off as very serious, cold, fickle, distant and of course mean. I'm just easy to get along with for most people, but hard to get to know for everyone, including almost every friend I've made. I almost never initiate with people I don't know well, and naturally avoid personal conversation about myself where superficial information will not suffice for a while until I've gotten to know the person better. And warming up enough to others is a rather slow process with me which takes a ridiculous amount of time, so I'm naturally not the greatest with strangers. I can be very chatty when I'm around people I know and am comfortable with though. I know that a lot of my shyness is heavily influenced by my strong introversion, but with time I've managed to improve slightly on it. I can say though that despite my difficulties, my friendships with a handful of people I feel I can trust enough are strong and long lasting

I do have friends of every variety of personality. I'm not too picky about which type of person in this respect who I make friends with, but I'll admit that I would prefer to date other introverts so long as they're not excessively shy, simply because I find I get better quality in my time spent with them, despite that it requires more work on my end. That, and they inherently have a good idea of and respect my need for space. And from my experiences, I find that I can only take outgoing extraverted personalities in small doses no matter how much I may enjoy them because they tend to quickly wear me out and never lose any juice by then.

@RyanC: Although I disagree with you that introverts and extraverts will only take preference to whomever resembles a likeness in personality to themselves, I do understand the truth in what you're saying.

Interesting, I knew someone was gunna make an MBTI reference here somehow when I posted, and it just so happened to be an INTJ I'm an ISFP! My Ti function comes close to my Fi though, and I find I relate to a lot of the ISTP profile as well... Still doesn't come in first place, but was a source of slight and brief confusion :s I don't want to derail, but for how long have you known your type, and when have you been introduced to MBTI?

Outgoing male here. my significant other is female, and is sometimes shy / has anxiety. I myself have interpersonal anxieties at times. on top of other forms of attraction, I think we fit each other because we help one another overcome these things.. (being supportive and such).

It has nothing to do with who you are and what you think you have/don't have.

It's all about what you can bring to the table for the other person to establish: 1. comfort, 2. trust, 3. just being able to mesh together, laugh, get things done together (ie help one another on stuff/exams/tests by being supportive).

One key thing is to never let your perceived image hold you back. Sometimes that image isn't even on another person's mind (the image can be shyness, insecurities, etc..). You'd be surprised how self-absorbed everyone in a campus is. So just be yourself and when people approach you, say hi, make conversation, and get out there... it's that simple. Oh and never make it a point/goal to accomplish something when it comes to interaction with people. Just let things happen. It's much better that way.



Finally: No one post, paragraph, sentence, book will ever help anyone. The interweaving of each individual is very unique. Personalities and labels(I don't mean it negatively!) such as shy might help narrow things down. But in the end the person who knows that person the best.. is --- that person. So always think things out by yourself and never overthink them

Well hell. If we existed in a introversion-extroversion-shyness-confidence continuum, I'd be the lab rat of quantum physics. I guess this is why I get really annoyed with psychologists who try to classify and label every behaviour by a particular, set, personality trait.

I'm an guy. An introvert, in that I stick to myself a lot, and too much social interaction is somewhat exhaustive. Extremely shy at times, has social anxiety, would usually avoid people like the plague, but other times would talk not-stop with the utmost confidence. And I yearn for a social life. But I can't just start talking to new people; I can't whip up a conversation to save my life, nor can I carry on a conversation to do the same. But at the same time I profoundly remember instances where I have done so, and not feel awkward.

I tend not to keep in contact with a lot of people I just met, because it feels awkward and I know if we meet up, the banter would probably be incredibly dry and awkward. And so I don't have many friends...not as much as I probably could have. And so I really don't go out, or meet new people...but I want to.

Oh, and I fear my first job interview. I don't have much confidence. But did I tell you I can sometimes talk like a boss? Like, my brain shuts down and my mouth takes over. Thankfully it rarely spews nonsense when that happens. It's the thinking of stuff to say part that makes me fear saying much, because I might say something that makes me embarrassed. You know when you're going to sleep and your brain says, "Hey Yogurt, remember that embarrassing thing you said today? Remember that embarrassing thing you said that one time? Remember all the embarrassing things you said your entire life? Haha, you dumb fcuk."

Where was I?...

Oh yea, I'm kinda shy. Stick to myself most times.

I don't really want to, much, but it's hard to work up the courage to do otherwise. I like games.

I think I see a close friendship developing between OP and britb

I agree with a lot of the above statements, that and extroverts and introvert would be great together (provided they have common interests) since...well, introverts prefer to only talk to their group of friends and since extroverts can talk to anybody about anything, a spark may occur and create a fire in which a conversation is struck.

Personally, I prefer to make friends with people who don't party hard/associate with everyone they see and prefer smaller get-togethers with friends and acquaintances...but still not afraid to speak their mind when the time comes (ie. be introverted but to the limit of self-detriment)

Originally Posted by Yogurt

Well hell. If we existed in a introversion-extroversion-shyness-confidence continuum, I'd be the lab rat of quantum physics. I guess this is why I get really annoyed with psychologists who try to classify and label every behaviour by a particular, set, personality trait.

I'm an guy. An introvert, in that I stick to myself a lot, and too much social interaction is somewhat exhaustive. Extremely shy at times, has social anxiety, would usually avoid people like the plague, but other times would talk not-stop with the utmost confidence. And I yearn for a social life. But I can't just start talking to new people; I can't whip up a conversation to save my life, nor can I carry on a conversation to do the same. But at the same time I profoundly remember instances where I have done so, and not feel awkward. I tend not to keep in contact with a lot of people I just met, because it feels awkward and I know if we meet up, the banter would probably be incredibly dry and awkward. And so I don't have many friends...not as much as I probably could have. And so I really don't go out, or meet new people...but I want to. Oh, and I fear my first job interview. I don't have much confidence. But did I tell you I can sometimes talk like a boss? Like, my brain shuts down and my mouth takes over. Thankfully it rarely spews nonsense when that happens. It's the thinking of stuff to say part that makes me fear saying much, be cause I might say something that makes me embarrassed. You know when you're going to sleep and your brain says, "Hey Yogurt, remember this embarrassing thing you said today? Remember this embarrassing thing you said that one time? Remember all the embarrassing things you said your entire life? Haha, you dumb ****."

Where was I?...

Oh yea, I'm kinda shy. Stick to myself most times. I don't really want to, much, but it's hard to work up the courage to do otherwise. I like games.

I feel the exact same way as you, I'd love to be more "out there" and maybe associating with more people/making acquaintances but usually I can't strike a convo to save my life (besides "hey nice weather today huh?")

Originally Posted by drpatel

I think I see a close friendship developing between OP and britb

I agree with a lot of the above statements, that and extroverts and introvert would be great together (provided they have common interests) since...well, introverts prefer to only talk to their group of friends and since extroverts can talk to anybody about anything, a spark may occur and create a fire in which a conversation is struck.

Personally, I prefer to make friends with people who don't party hard/associate with everyone they see and prefer smaller get-togethers with friends and acquaintances...but still not afraid to speak their mind when the time comes (ie. be introverted but to the limit of self-detriment)



I feel the exact same way as you, I'd love to be more "out there" and maybe associating with more people/making acquaintances but usually I can't strike a convo to save my life (besides "hey nice weather today huh?")

I'm also pretty terrible at starting conversations especially with people I don't know. Personally I feel that practice can help overcome that. Like being more observant of others and picking up on things that can start a conversation. But I'm just not comfortable staring at people I don't know for more than a second...

It's interesting that so far in here there's quite a dominance in very introverted and/or very shy people... I will look back at the "what personality are you?" Thread to see what the responses are like there, although it's not about shyness at all, more so about MBTI type...

I'm extroverted in social settings, but more introverted alone. I usually am very outgoing, on the outside. Internally however... I second guess my extroverted actions, and on occasion regret them. But I'll never be forthcoming about that to people at the time. It takes a while before I'll really be myself with someone, when I decide to include them in my introverted phases.

Originally Posted by XNtrikster

It's interesting that so far in here there's quite a dominance in very introverted and/or very shy people... I will look back at the "what personality are you?" Thread to see what the responses are like there, although it's not about shyness at all, more so about MBTI type...

Often you will find introverted people spending more time on forums such as these as they have a much easier time conveying their thoughts over a keyboard, making this small sample of people bias.

Originally Posted by kateharrison

I'm extroverted in social settings, but more introverted alone. I usually am very outgoing, on the outside. Internally however... I second guess my extroverted actions, and on occasion regret them. But I'll never be forthcoming about that to people at the time. It takes a while before I'll really be myself with someone, when I decide to include them in my introverted phases.

I feel like these social anxieties are something you are able to outgrow through maturity and confidence. Many suffer from these anxieties and its often not really a "condition" that requires medical attention. I would consider myself an introvert in the basic sense of the term, but solutions to things such as these come with maturity. I was a very different person in my first year of university than I am now purely through reflection of self, self-help books, coming of age and altering perceptions of social interactions by just getting outside more. For example I used to put way too much emphasis on a night at the bar, often "preparing" for it when really its supposed to be somewhere you go to just let loose and have fun. Same thing goes for any social convention, leave the stresses and worries to your studies and jobs, not social interaction. That is where we should seek relief from these displeasures.

Originally Posted by XNtrikster

It's interesting that so far in here there's quite a dominance in very introverted and/or very shy people... I will look back at the "what personality are you?" Thread to see what the responses are like there, although it's not about shyness at all, more so about MBTI type...

It's probably because all the extroverted people are out having a social life whilst the rest of us are here cooped up on MI.