Everyone just wants to be liked these days. Liked by their friends, liked by their co-workers, liked by people on the internet, liked by their ex-boyfriend, heck - people even want to be liked by the stranger they just made eye contact with.
This is a big problem. When did we become so sensitive that we need the approval of everyone we interact with? When did we value ourselves so little that when others don’t like us, it’s our fault? When did we tolerate so much from everyone else just to leave a favourable impression?
I am going to tell you a secret. Most people won’t like you.
And it’s perfectly fine. In fact, it's better than fine - it’s something we need.
Stop for a second and picture all of the people that you are close to (this can be your parents, your siblings, your friends, etc.). This should be the same group of people who comfort you through a breakup, the same group of people who lend you money during financial struggles, and the same group of people who you would go on a vacation with. How long was your list? Less than 10? 20? What about 50? (O.K calm down there Mr. Popular).
Now, let me ask you one critical question. Besides this group of people who are most important to you, why does anyone else’s opinion matter? Why does it matter if your classmates think your hairstyle is weird? Why does it matter if people knew you were nervous for a presentation? Why does it matter if you like to wear pink pants in the summertime? [My friends tease me about this all the time, but pink is cool]. The truth is it doesn’t… and here’s why.
What Do You Value?
Values are a person’s core principles - their view of what is important in life. When our values are not concrete, we become needy and dependent on external validation. We go out of our way to satisfy others in order to make ourselves feel useful. And we should never be this way. We don’t need to prove ourselves to anyone. We do nice things for others because we want to and not because they will give us positive affirmations. We help the less fortunate because we feel obligated to and not because strangers will think we’re kind. We hold the door for women because we think it is chivalrous and not because we’re “supposed” to. And it starts by defining your values.
The 3 things that I value most in my life are Self-Improvement, Time and Genuine Relationships.
Self-Improvement: I want to do great things with my life. I want to start successful businesses and become a great entrepreneur. I want to become a NY Times Best Selling author. I want to become a popular blogger who can influence thousands of lives. I want to die knowing that my parents would be proud of the man that they raised. And this is the reason why I consistently try to improve myself every single day. Whether it is through reading books, studying people that I admire or executing on ideas that I believe in. I want to be in a constant state of progression.
Time: There is only one certainty in life - death. And how we spend our time before we die will ultimately determine the mark we leave and the lives we lived. This is the cold hard truth and the more apparent it becomes to me, the more I value my time. One of my best friends recently went to Europe for a month and I wanted to catch up with her before she left. But, her biggest setback has always been punctuality and so I had a choice to make.
[This was a trivial decision, but stand by your values, regardless of the significance of the matter at hand].
Genuine Relationships: My closest friends are the people who I know have my best interest at heart. They are the people who will be there through the thick and thin and tell me when I am right and wrong. They will tell me their opinions regardless of what I want to hear. These are also the same bunch of people that I would take a bullet for (literally and figuratively). To me, the quality of people that I surround myself around far outweighs the number of “friends” that I have.
Those are the 3 things that I value most in my life.
What about you?
What are the things most important in your life? What are the goals that you want to strive for? What are the qualities of the person you want to become? Take a few minutes and really think about these questions. Understanding what your values are is the first step in caring less about what people think.
Set Boundaries
Once your values have been cleared defined, you need to set boundaries for what you will tolerate. You know what you want in life and whether people join along for this amazing ride is completely irrelevant. Don't make time for someone who is not willing to make time for you. Don’t compromise for someone who is not willing to compromise for you. And don’t do nice things for someone who doesn’t appreciate it.
This is not about being an arrogant a**hole, this is about having some self-respect.
Is she 20 minutes late again for the date? 3 strikes and she’s out. You will tolerate it once or twice because she's so damn cute, but any more than that and she doesn't respect you enough. And this is not something that you will put up with.
Does your manager consistently make you stay late while everyone else is home already? Tell him that your personal life is important and if he doesn’t respect it more, then you'll take your talents elsewhere [#Lebron #SouthBeach].
All our lives we have been taught to maintain the status quo. To tread calm waters and to make everyone like us. But, ironically enough when all we want is to be liked, we like ourselves the least. Know what you value and decide what you will put up with.
Not everyone's going to like you.
It’s better this way.
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About The Author
My name is Jay and I'm a blogger for students.
During my undergrad, I ran my own start-up business, became an author and met a lot of influential people.
And now I want to share.
JaySpills.com
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