Well, I'm a socially awkward mess, so I tend to hide behind a computer screen when attempting to meet guys (fail 90% of the time, although I've met some of my best friends via internet dating). I'm nervous about approaching guys in public because it's hard to say whether their straight or not.

I get all flustered when I talk to guys also, what works best for me is to just smile and just listen to them at first, make it seem like you're interested. Eventually the nerves will fade away, if you have some water on you that makes it easier. They might even be as nervous as you too

Guy here.

I was like you, and I still am for the most part. I was a nervous wreck when it came to social interaction, up to just a few months ago. And not in the way of babbling uncontrollably, but in the way of not being able to carry on a conversation to save my life. I'd probably get through two sentences, then just stop talking, not knowing what else to say. As a result, my first year was lonely. I had no "friends".

For as long as I could remember, I had the mindset that everyone was out there to judge me. If I'm standing in line waiting for the bus, or waiting for class to start, I'd feel as though everyone had eyes on me, judging me. And I had this ever-present fear of embarrassing myself in public.

Together, they really affected my life. The people I knew, I didn't know what to say to them and so I avoided; and the people I didn't know, I felt they were judging me, and so never got to know them. I've never really had a group of friends who I could have opened up to, and discuss anything with. I've never had a girlfriend (I really don't care as much about that, but more on that later). But for my first year, it was basically coming to campus, going to classes, and commuting back home, with as little as possible social interaction. I never just struck up a conversation with anyone. I just kept to myself for the most part. And for tutorials that required group discussion — well, I hated them. I was depressed through most of first year, and when at home, I spent the majority of my time in my room.

This year, I am surprised by how much I changed. I honestly don't know how, or why, but it just happened. It's nothing dramatic, but it's welcomed.

I now look forward to meeting people I know, and even though there are some awkward silences, it doesn't kill me. I am happier. Interaction literally makes me feel content and happy (yea, yea, corny description, but I can't describe it any other way). And I'm willing to go out of my comfort-zone more often. I sometimes volunteer to speak in group discussions, I smile at strangers if I'm in the mood, and talking to an attractive female doesn't render me incapacitated. In fact, for the first time, I've been able to talk this this girl I know and have had a crush on for about three years. We knew each other since high school, but although we were friends, the extent of our interaction were simply "Hi"s and "Bye"s. The other day I met up with her for the first time in about two years and managed to carry out quite a long conversation for the first time, without feeling self-conscious or awkward around her. It may sound petty, but it's noteworthy to me.

I can, though, tell you some little things I take note of, that contributed to this change. I have to constantly keep telling myself that people 'don't care' about me, just be myself. Be genuine. Essentially, screw what any one else thinks. Now that doesn't mean don't give a shit, nor be an overly confident, ego-filled idiot, but don't let the (non-existent) opinion of others always weigh you down. If you are criticized, better yourself (if possible) and move on. I still think of every stupid thing I've done in my life every now and then, but don't make it a habit.

Secondly, and this is pretty big, always have this will to make someone else's life better, be them strangers, and even if it means going out of your way to do so. This may have nothing to do with social anxiety and shyness, but it helped me. I'll always try to look for ways to help someone out or make then feel good, be it something as small as a "good morning" or "thank you" to the bus driver, or just a smile to a stranger.

Lastly, I always keep my ego in check. You know there's these times when you may sometimes feel "better" than someone else? I always try to be conscious of that. Stay humble.

Oh, and music always helps. This song always, always, manages to improve my mood. It gives me a sense of content with life. Coupled with coffee and a sunny day, it works wonders.

/literaryanalysisofthe foreveralone

Originally Posted by Twelve Chars

Gloria Steinem sez gender is a social construct, yo

Yo i herd dis be tru - Karl Marx

Originally Posted by Desda

Start by talking to socially awkward guys as they are less intimidating.

Its like leveling on MMORPG

Originally Posted by Yogurt

Guy here.

I was like you, and I still am for the most part. I was a nervous wreck when it came to social interaction, up to just a few months ago. And not in the way of babbling uncontrollably, but in the way of not being able to carry on a conversation to save my life. I'd probably get through two sentences, then just stop talking, not knowing what else to say. As a result, my first year was lonely. I had no "friends".

For as long as I could remember, I had the mindset that everyone was out there to judge me. If I'm standing in line waiting for the bus, or waiting for class to start, I'd feel as though everyone had eyes on me, judging me. And I had this ever-present fear of embarrassing myself in public.

Together, they really affected my life. The people I knew, I didn't know what to say to them and so I avoided; and the people I didn't know, I felt they were judging me, and so never got to know them. I've never really had a group of friends who I could have opened up to, and discuss anything with. I've never had a girlfriend (I really don't care as much about that, but more on that later). But for my first year, it was basically coming to campus, going to classes, and commuting back home, with as little as possible social interaction. I never just struck up a conversation with anyone. I just kept to myself for the most part. And for tutorials that required group discussion — well, I hated them. I was depressed through most of first year, and when at home, I spent the majority of my time in my room.

This year, I am surprised by how much I changed. I honestly don't know how, or why, but it just happened. It's nothing dramatic, but it's welcomed.

I now look forward to meeting people I know, and even though there are some awkward silences, it doesn't kill me. I am happier. Interaction literally makes me feel content and happy (yea, yea, corny description, but I can't describe it any other way). And I'm willing to go out of my comfort-zone more often. I sometimes volunteer to speak in group discussions, I smile at strangers if I'm in the mood, and talking to an attractive female doesn't render me incapacitated. In fact, for the first time, I've been able to talk this this girl I know and have had a crush on for about three years. We knew each other since high school, but although we were friends, the extent of our interaction were simply "Hi"s and "Bye"s. The other day I met up with her for the first time in about two years and managed to carry out quite a long conversation for the first time, without feeling self-conscious or awkward around her. It may sound petty, but it's noteworthy to me.

I can, though, tell you some little things I take note of, that contributed to this change. I have to constantly keep telling myself that people 'don't care' about me, just be myself. Be genuine. Essentially, screw what any one else thinks. Now that doesn't mean don't give a shit, nor be an overly confident, ego-filled idiot, but don't let the (non-existent) opinion of others always weigh you down. If you are criticized, better yourself (if possible) and move on. I still think of every stupid thing I've done in my life every now and then, but don't make it a habit.

Secondly, and this is pretty big, always have this will to make someone else's life better, be them strangers, and even if it means going out of your way to do so. This may have nothing to do with social anxiety and shyness, but it helped me. I'll always try to look for ways to help someone out or make then feel good, be it something as small as a "good morning" or "thank you" to the bus driver, or just a smile to a stranger.

Lastly, I always keep my ego in check. You know there's these times when you may sometimes feel "better" than someone else? I always try to be conscious of that. Stay humble.

Oh, and music always helps. This song always, always, manages to improve my mood. It gives me a sense of content with life. Coupled with coffee and a sunny day, it works wonders.

/literaryanalysisofthe foreveralone

Thanks for your response. It's nice to hear from someone who has experienced something similar. Your post made me realize that I should be thankful that I am not as painfully shy and awkward as I was for the majority of high school, that I have improved since then, and that my main issue is just interacting with guys on my own.

Originally Posted by dreamer21

I tend to be pretty shy in general, but especially around guys. If I'm in a group with a mix of girls and guys it's not too bad, but when a guy talks to me one on one that I don't know I'm really shy and a lot of the time I get embarrassed (typically go red in the face), which I have no control over. I just wanted to hear others' take on this, from guys would be especially helpful. Do you think it's really awkward that I'm like that (this is what I think)? Any advice would be appreciated also.

Baby steps, Heather. Try talking to guys online first? Best place for that would be MI Chat (has little to do with MI, just Mac students chatting about random things, good stuff).

But beware...it's addicting...

shyness is usually associated with lack of confidence. i know this from experience, but that was back in high school anyways. you need to develop confidence in yourself, and you'll find it progressively easier to talk to people of the oppsoite sex.

Originally Posted by dreamer21

I suppose this could work, but I don't think I'd be able to just pick out the 'socially awkward' just by looking at them.

That's easy. After looking at them:

- if they look back and hold the stare, then they're not awkward.
- if they look back, then avoid your gaze, then they are awkward.
- if they don't look back, you're not staring hard enough. Stare harder!

Originally Posted by Yogurt

I smile at strangers if I'm in the mood

How's this worked out for you? My attempts have been met only with negative responses.

Originally Posted by Entropy

How's this worked out for you? My attempts have been met only with negative responses.

Some smile back, some ignore, some look away, and some look away in what can only be described as disgust. But I'll leave them to their reactions; at least I did my "part".

Of course, there's a subtle difference between a "have a nice day" smile and a "I want to touch your butthole" smile.

Originally Posted by Yogurt

...."I want to touch your butthole" smile.

hey I'm ajith from brandon with the same problem, someone please help me. everyone makes fun of me

Originally Posted by Yogurt

Some smile back, some ignore, some look away, and some look away in what can only be described as disgust. But I'll leave them to their reactions; at least I did my "part".

Of course, there's a subtle difference between a "have a nice day" smile and a "I want to touch your butthole" smile.

What the **** (to the last part of what you said).

Originally Posted by herBs

What the **** (to the last part of what you said).

Originally Posted by Lawstudent

hey I'm ajith from brandon with the same problem, someone please help me. everyone makes fun of me

That's so lame that people make fun of you for it. Maybe check out JonSnow's link on the first page?

Fine, don't reply to the only guy willing to talk.

That's why you're socially awkward >_<

:(