Originally Posted by lizziepizzie

Everyone thinks that works. That you'd rather go out with someone you are friends with first. But here's the problem, you end up ruining the whole friendship if he doesn't like you back! And then it gets super awkward and you're likely to either A) stop beng friends or B) keep being friends but now it's totally awkward and things are never like it was before.

But, that's the risk you take I guess... I tried that, it was horrible. I guess it's different if you met someone and THEN want to be friends first, but if he is someone you have known for a long time and THEN you develop feelings for him, it doesn't always work out and then you've messed up a really good thing.

They say "forget the risk, take the fall. If it's meant to be, it's worth it all." LIES!!!

I disagree. I saw it's only if you let it become awkward, it happens that way. I still speak to my ex, and it's not strained at all. It's just like it was before.

Originally Posted by Kathy2

This is so funny, because I was just asked out on the bus two days ago. It was super awkward.

He seemed like a nice guy, but the biggest problem was probably that it was on the bus and I was alone. I don't like talking to strangers in the downtown Hamilton area, and it's not like I can easily leave the conversation on the bus.
He was nice, asked what my program was at school, etc. When I was getting off the bus, he asked I wanted to go out sometime.

Besides the fact that I have a boyfriend, I would never go out with someone I just met. I don't think this is necessarily for all girls - it's just me. Even though he was friendly and nice, I would never go out with someone I don't know. It seems kind of weird to me. If you don't know me, why do you want to go out with me? That implies to me that he only wants to talk to me because of my looks, and I don't really like that. I would much prefer if I was friends with a guy before he asked me on a date. (Actually, the only guys I have ever dated have been my friends first)

Hmm, I'm trying to decide which story to use, but since you told a bus story, I will, too!

I was on my way to Mac and this guy gets on and sits right across from me. I'd noticed that he was staring at me but thought nothing of it. After a few minutes, he said "didn't I see you at the gym a few days ago?" and I said no (I hadn't gone in forever, lmao) but I was wearing yoga pants, so yeah. So he asked for my name, program, year and all that stuff. He was very nice and also very nervous, I could tell. Wouldn't stop fidgeting and talking about his 3 different jobs, haha.

and LOL I totally remember him saying something, but I couldn't hear, so I sort of leaned over to hear better, and his eyes just drop to my bewbs. I was wearing a revealing tank top and I totally forgot, O_O it was SO awkward. After my stop came, we said bye and I left. He didn't ask for my number, lol, but even if he did, I wouldn't have been able to give him one, my cellie was broken at the time and had been for a few months.

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to the OP: I think most girls would prefer to be approached for a couple different reasons. One may because of shyness and another because it's great for your ego, haha, to have a hot smexyy guy be interested in you and muster up the courage to go speak to you.

I think I'd prefer to approach the guy myself, though guys approaching me isn't bad. I just get lots of creepers, so yeah. Directness is good, as well, but not like "you. me. sex. NAO!" or whatever. I'm pretty friendly so if a guy DID approach me and start talking, they might get the wrong impression and think I like them. =/
I hate doing that, but apparently I do it lots. I'm just friendly, jeez.

I def. agree with Kathy2, I would not just go out with some guy I met on a bus one day. I believe in being friends first, getting to know them, THEN going out with them, if I liked their personality and stufff. If they didn't know me, just saw me one day and automatically 'liked' me, it means they just liked the way I look, which is flattering, I guess, but meh. Don't like it to much. There's more to me than the way I look. Same goes if I approached a guy first, I wouldn't want to jump right into a relationship because he's hot or cute. I'd want to be friends first, for suree.

As for where/when/with who, for me, it doesn't really matter. I think I'd rather be with friends, though, it just makes it a bit more comfortable.
And if I saw a guy that seemed interested in me, and I wanted them to approach me or vice versa, I'd probably give off some sign language. Smile, at least. Wave them over. Wink. Idk

Wait when you guys say "i wouldn't go out with a guy who i just met" you are talking about "relationship" right? Because if you are saying you wouldn't meet up with someone you met at a later time in a public place for say coffee and conversation to get to know eachother better, well I just find that sad.

Originally Posted by NowHere

Wait when you guys say "i wouldn't go out with a guy who i just met" you are talking about "relationship" right? Because if you are saying you wouldn't meet up with someone you met at a later time in a public place for say coffee and conversation to get to know eachother better, well I just find that sad.

I definitely meant relationship.

What is that exactly by the way? Is there some magical change in the rules of engagement when a guy and girl state they are "going out"?

Originally Posted by NowHere

Wait when you guys say "i wouldn't go out with a guy who i just met" you are talking about "relationship" right? Because if you are saying you wouldn't meet up with someone you met at a later time in a public place for say coffee and conversation to get to know eachother better, well I just find that sad.

For me, it all depends on the situation. If I only talked for the guy for like 2 minutes, and he said "Hi my name is [whatever], want to get coffee sometime?" I would say no. But if I sat beside some guy in lecture, we talked the entire class and at the end of class he asked me to get coffee, I would probably say yes.
There's a difference between wanting to go for coffee with someone solely because you find them attractice, and wanting to go for coffee with someone because you spent 50 minutes talking to them and it was really fun. Do you know what I mean?

Originally Posted by NowHere

What is that exactly by the way? Is there some magical change in the rules of engagement when a guy and girl state they are "going out"?

I guess a mutual agreement of "'Kay we're done just getting to know each other. We're actually a 'couple' now"...there's less physical and emotional barriers between you two. You'll know when you reach the couple stage.

Originally Posted by SilentWalker

I guess a mutual agreement of "'Kay we're done just getting to know each other. We're actually a 'couple' now"...there's less physical and emotional barriers between you two. You'll know when you reach the couple stage.

When you say couple are you referring to monogomous relationship?

Originally Posted by NowHere

When you say couple are you referring to monogomous relationship?

You're dating, and not available to date anyone else atm. You're past just checking out your available options. You're taken. Ocupado.

Originally Posted by Kathy2

For me, it all depends on the situation. If I only talked for the guy for like 2 minutes, and he said "Hi my name is [whatever], want to get coffee sometime?" I would say no. But if I sat beside some guy in lecture, we talked the entire class and at the end of class he asked me to get coffee, I would probably say yes.
There's a difference between wanting to go for coffee with someone solely because you find them attractice, and wanting to go for coffee with someone because you spent 50 minutes talking to them and it was really fun. Do you know what I mean?

Isn't 50 minutes a pretty long time and as an aside, you be talking the whole lecture ? I mean if you talked to a guy for a few minutes and it was good, you wouldn't go? Don't you think you are missing out on potentially good opportunities that way?

Originally Posted by SilentWalker

You're dating, and not available to date anyone else atm. You're past just checking out your available options. You're taken. Ocupado.

Interesting. Do you find that it makes sense to be doing that at such a young age? Granted you don't know enough about the person to make the decision to want to spend the rest of your life with just them (if that is what you are ultimately looking for).

Originally Posted by NowHere

Isn't 50 minutes a pretty long time and as an aside, you be talking the whole lecture ? I mean if you talked to a guy for a few minutes and it was good, you wouldn't go? Don't you think you are missing out on potentially good opportunities that way?

Yea...I'm not really a people person, meaning I can't just approach someone and start talking about anything. And I usually can't carry on a conversation for more than 5-10 minutes. It usually gets to the point where I'm fishing for material, or there's a really awkward silence.

Not just with girls...I mean in general. But it happened so many time's with this girl in my Bio lecture. We began sitting next to each other (out of coincidence), started to talk to her after a couple lectures (on about 2 occasions), but it was usually about mid-terms. That was for about 10 minutes...and then a really awkward silence for the rest of the lecture and on the other occasions we met. She may not think anything of it...but I find it frustrating considering I have a crush on her. I'm just not a good social person I guess.

I rarely find people who I can meet and *ding* we have something in common and start talking. It happens, and the silences with those people aren't awkward ones...but it's rare that I ever come across those people.

Originally Posted by NowHere

Interesting. Do you find that it makes sense to be doing that at such a young age? Granted you don't know enough about the person to make the decision to want to spend the rest of your life with just them (if that is what you are ultimately looking for).

That's why I said at the moment. It's not a lifelong commitment, as far as the 'Western world dating procedure' goes. If you figure out that you two aren't right for each other, then you go your own way.

I know there are a lot of socially awkward people (like me), or foreigners who aren't aware of the customs in Canada...so this thread is quite helpful. Let's you talk about this stuff without being awkward about it.

To OP:

I also think you may be looking into this too much. It's all 50/50, but you just have to be brave enough to believe in the better 50. you never know how things are going to turn out, and you have nothing to lose by approaching someone.

Augusten Burroughs once said "
I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, “Hi.” They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word"

Originally Posted by lizziepizzie

Everyone thinks that works. That you'd rather go out with someone you are friends with first. But here's the problem, you end up ruining the whole friendship if he doesn't like you back! And then it gets super awkward and you're likely to either A) stop beng friends or B) keep being friends but now it's totally awkward and things are never like it was before.

But, that's the risk you take I guess... I tried that, it was horrible. I guess it's different if you met someone and THEN want to be friends first, but if he is someone you have known for a long time and THEN you develop feelings for him, it doesn't always work out and then you've messed up a really good thing.

They say "forget the risk, take the fall. If it's meant to be, it's worth it all." LIES!!!

I think I've just been lucky in that department then. I've known my boyfriend since we were young. We kind of had a Cory-Topanga relationship. I have had guy friends who liked me, but it didn't work out - and we still remained close friends.
I guess it all depends on how much one person likes to other, and how strong your friendship is.