Anyone ever had a really creepy neighbour? If so what happened and how did you deal with it?

Ahead of time I'm sorry for the long post- but i would appreciate your legit feedback

I'm very unnerved by the 50 year old man who lives alone in the apartment next to mine. I am a 22 year old female and I live by myself in an apartment. I don't want to over react or escalate the situation but I now feel very uncomfortable in my place.

It started last October I got a knock on my door at night and I couldn't see who it was so I asked through the door. upon them moving I saw it was my neighbor who i had said hello in the hall to a few times so i opened the door. He came off as slightly odd but lonely and he said he had a gift for me. it turned out to be a 6 pack and a ridiculous amount of non-perishable food. i was taken off guard and didn't want to hurt his feelings so i said thanks and accepted.

about 2-3 weeks later another knock. this time a bottle of gin and an invite into his place. i declined the invite but i glimpsed in (i was standing in the hallway) and saw his place was filthy! i mean piles of garbage and bugs. now during this 'visit' he mentioned how nice and beautiful he thinks i am, how he looks to see if my lights are on to see if i am home, and how nice it would be for me to come over and have a drink with him once he cleaned the place up. he insinuated that he would clean it up for the right female. he also quoted the 'Tonight I'm ****ing You' lyrics to me. Now this to me was a red flag and i stated that i have a boyfriend ect.

after both of these visits i had told my friends and my mom and they agreed it was creepy.

Now up until this past week i had no problems with him. it might have been due to the fact that last semester i consistently had a group of people over which hasn't occurred yet this term. This week though He has knocked on my door twice at 11pm. now both times lights were on and i just chose to not answer the door. but both times i sat frozen and had terrible anxiety. I knew it was him though as I can hear him come and go from his apartment and I was not expecting anyone at 11pm.

I guess here is the situation. I am now uncomfortable in my apartment. when i come and go i rush hoping he wont see me, and i try to be as quiet as possible and keep minimal lights on to give the impression im not home- but this is ridiculous. do you think i would be going too far to go speak with the police? i dont want to press charges.. i just want to enjoy my home again. I am also very non confrontational so i know having a conversation with him is out.

friend on the bus had a similar conversation with a similar describing man lols

You should leave

Originally Posted by Katy

do you think i would be going too far to go speak with the police? i dont want to press charges..

Have you actually told him you don't want his company or to be left alone and this persisted? I don't understand how you can bring up the police, or even mention charges (even though you said you wouldn't) if you haven't even told him to leave you alone (if you have told him, I understand).

It's an awful/awkward situation but for all we know he's just a clueless person that can't take a hint. Although it's awkward, maybe you just have to tell him you want privacy and to be left alone, THEN if he still bothers you, you contact the police.

EDIT: Just saw that you don't want to have the conversation because you are non-confrontational; if you think the conversation would be awkward, imagine how awkward it would be after he is contacted by the police when in his mind he was unaware anything was wrong

I dunno... this sounds pretty sketchy. I once had a next door neighbour who used to stand on his driveway about 3 feet from me and watch while I shoveled snow (we lived in a townhouse). He also used to spy through the fence when I was in the backyard. We ended p moving the next summer, although not because of him.

At first when I read this, I automatically thought you should call the police. But Circa has a point... he doesn't know he's doing anything wrong. However, if you really have a gut feeling (and you have to listen to your gut!) that this man is trouble, I would by all means contact the police. Don't feel stupid for calling the police with this "small matter," as they are there to help you. Don't let this go on and then have something happen and end up wishing you had called the police before. You should never have to feel unsafe in your own home and be up all night being anxious. Honestly, I'd move. You're anxiety isn't worth it. You don't need extra stress on top of midterms and assignments and school-related things.

Originally Posted by Circa

Have you actually told him you don't want his company or to be left alone and this persisted? I don't understand how you can bring up the police, or even mention charges (even though you said you wouldn't) if you haven't even told him to leave you alone (if you have told him, I understand).

It's an awful/awkward situation but for all we know he's just a clueless person that can't take a hint. Although it's awkward, maybe you just have to tell him you want privacy and to be left alone, THEN if he still bothers you, you contact the police.

I agree with Circa.
I know exactly how the OP feels. I hate going outside in the dark, I never talk to strangers on the street or on the bus, I hated living in an apartment alone. I'm super paranoid about that stuff. But this guy hasn't really done anything wrong. He is creepy, for sure, but he probably doesn't even know it. He might be from someplace where this kind of behaviour is normal.

I'm not saying don't call the police. That's totally up to you and how uncomfortable and unsafe you feel. But my advice would be to talk to him with some friends nearby. Let him know that his advances make you uncomfortable, and although you appreciate him being so kind, you really don't want to go down that road with him. Be nice but be firm. If he continues after you tell him to stop, then you definitely should call the police.

In the meantime, do you have a boyfriend/brother/guy friend? Maybe have him sleep over a few times. It's surprising how quickly the presence of a guy can deter other guys from talking to you! lol

Originally Posted by Kathy2

In the meantime, do you have a boyfriend/brother/guy friend? Maybe have him sleep over a few times. It's surprising how quickly the presence of a guy can deter other guys from talking to you! lol

This. It will probably work... I'm pretty sure us girls have all had that awkward moment when you get one of your guy friends/brother to pose as your bf when you have some guy who you don't like make advances towards you.

I'd move. There are several elderly people, sometimes even geriatric patients, who look to their neighbours for company. Some are veterans, some have family far away, some have lost their own children, and "adopt in" younger people. However, this does not sound like that.

Offering beer is fine, but offering gin seems a little much. He may not realise he's doing anything "wrong" per se, because he may not see it as 'wrong', but he appears to have different intentions about these visits than you do. Unless he expressed underlying health problems or has a pet that he might need you to watch or something like that, knocks at 11 PM seem inappropriate. He's watching your door to see when you're home, which is disconcerting to say the least. If he wanted to get a hold of you for something (health problems, maybe the volume of your music, or watching a pet) he could try at an earlier time, during the day, in the morning before you leave for school or with a note.

You've mentioned you're seeing somebody, and it just seems strange that despite that information, you're getting knocks at a pretty late hour.

The stuff beforehand may seem unsettling but, it's not that terrible. He may have genuinely found you attractive and wanted to ask you out or something. That may be uncomfortable for you, and you have every right to be, but it's fairly harmless. People can ask each other out. Watching you though is not okay.

You need to let somebody know to call and check in on you, and spend time with a friend. Get out of that place ASAP. Anxiety issues can become a long term concern and as Lizzie said, that's not something you need.

I'd recommend crashing in the student center and getting a gym membership so you can shower, etc, and moving in with your boyfriend if possible or just another friend. It may not be comfortable or as private as your own apartment, but you'll be able to sleep in peace. Even noise in the long term is not as bad as not being able to sleep out of fear.


Now that being said, he might be a perfectly fantastic individual with a limited sense of social boundaries, but the behaviour is causing you a lot of stress and is generally not acceptable given that he hasn't stated that he's ill, or "I just lost my daughter and I want somebody to talk to; you remind me of her". Him knocking when you're alone but not when you have company is also alarming.

I don't know anything other than what you've said about the situation, but I'm guessing that when he does knock, if you're still up, it becomes really challenging to do what you want or make a lot of noise (i.e. flushing the toilet, or taking a shower) because then he'd know you're home. I'd also recommend leaving the lights on sporadically when you aren't home, just because it'll weaken the association between the three events (lights on, you home, him knocking) and getting out there ASAP.


Remember you have the Kid's Help Phone if you're under 21, the police and any mental health hotline. Even suicide hot lines are not just there for the suicidal. You probably don't want to call if you've got a cold and aren't feeling too well, but if you're having trouble functioning or have a very bad day where you can't leave the house, or are crying uncontrollably or are just too anxious and are in any danger to yourself or anybody else, give them a call. They're there for more than just suicide prevention; they want to help you cope with situations that could pose risks or threats to yourself or others.

I hope everything works out and that you can get out of there

Another suggestion: have a guy sleepover and have him answer the door when your neighbour knocks. If you don't want to talk to your neighbour, have your guy friend do it for you. He can just say something like "So and so is my girlfriend and I don't appreciate you talking to her like that" ?

Originally Posted by Kathy2

Another suggestion: have a guy sleepover and have him answer the door when your neighbour knocks. If you don't want to talk to your neighbour, have your guy friend do it for you. He can just say something like "So and so is my girlfriend and I don't appreciate you talking to her like that" ?

Even better, have him open the door shirtless. I'm serious. That should give your neighbour a clue.

yeah have a guy friend answer the door shirtless so he can get attacked in a violent rage or stalked.

Here's another idea,

Have your dad or bf put 2 soccer balls in front of your neighbor's door early in the morning.



The next morning, put 2 volleyballs



The morning after that put 2 baseballs



The morning after that put 2 basketballs



And finally the next morning place a picture of a scissor and a note in front of his door. The note should say the following

"I ran out of pair of balls to put in front of your door, but guess which ones I'm about to use next if you keep seeing my daughter or gf"

Problem Solved

Originally Posted by darklink121

Here's another idea,

Have your dad or bf put 2 soccer balls in front of your neighbor's door early in the morning.

And finally the next morning place a picture of a scissor and a note in front of his door. The note should say the following

"I ran out of pair of balls to put in front of your door, but guess which ones I'm about to use next if you keep seeing my daughter or gf"

Problem Solved

Oh my God. Maybe that's a little much.

^^^ i think you should re order the balls so they're from biggest to smallest. i think that would add an extra element to the message as a whole.

any ways to get to the serious part... have you talked to your landlord? maybe he can go something about the old man. i know that tenants in apartments are required in some cases to keep their place clean and tidy, to not bother other individuals, etc. etc. if you talk to your landlord he can look into the old man and get him to clean up his act. and if he cant maybe he has another available room that you could switch into for the rest of the term. (and if he is being really unwilling to help you out then just day if that continues your going to get the police involved and that's never a good image a land lord wants for his/her place if you know what i mean.)