I feel like this isn't really the place to post about this but I don't know where to go...

Someone close to me in my family passed away, and I feel like I’m not dealing with this properly. I don’t really think about it or when I start to I just stop and think of something else, it actually doesn't even feel real. I feel like I’m not really me, most of the time I have to act and pretend to be happy. I’m always smiling and laughing when I’m around others. I don’t talk about it with anyone, but I’m kinda tired now. How do I make myself deal with this, how do I confront the situation?

Well, you can stop pretending to be happy and treat others like you want.

But then they will call you a Debbie Downer, downvote your posts and that guy that owns this website will give you a warning for "not being supportive".

You can always talk to someone in the Student Health and Wellness Centre. They offer trained Councillors for you to talk to. It's a free service that might help you find ways to cope with this loss.

http://wellness.mcmaster.ca/

Sorry for your loss Ponyo.

Losing someone close to you is hard, when my grandmother passed it was difficult because I immediately felt the void of her not being around. She brought a lot of joy and happiness in my life, and I had a lot of upsetting nights missing her. It will take time. But my advice would be to not hold your emotions back, if you miss someone then it is ok to be upset and have time to grieve.

Just remember that even though they are gone, they are still always with you in spirit. Remember the good times with them, remember what they taught you, what you learned from them, and continue to live your life in a positive way that honours them and that they would want you to live your life. Pass along the life lessons learned from them to others in your life.

Don't make the mistake of trying to forget about them or act like nothing happened as a way of trying to move on, instead... embrace what happened and put reminders of them around so instead of trying to forget, you actually make it a conscious thing to remember them and honour their memory. Put a photo of them at your desk or as a wallpaper on your laptop. At least for a while. It will ease the 'sudden' feeling of them being gone. Sure, it might make you miss them more when you see the photo of them, but I found it helps remind me of the person and makes me stronger.

Don't be afraid to talk about them to others, it doesn't have to be a sad conversation about losing them, but instead focus on talking about them in the context of how they helped you, mentored you, gave you words of wisdom, etc. When something happens that reminds you of them, say it out loud to whomever is with you "If my ____ was here, he/she would have said to ____" or "I remember my ____ telling me some great advice about this, which was... ". Bring it up when you're giving presentations or asked about who mentored you or inspired you, you can say things like "My ____ family member was a big inspiration to me because he/she showed me ____". Things like that. This way you're honouring them and not trying to 'move on' by acting like they didn't exist. Because I find that just makes things harder.

Hope that helps!

I'm sorry for your loss.

How long has this been? When you say "close", are you referring to family hierarchy or the fact that you had a lot of feelings for this person? My grandmother passed away a couple years ago but it didn't have a large impact on me. I presume it was because we weren't that close, but I still think about her and wish I could have done more with her to mend the gap. So don't stop thinking about him/her. It is healthy to do so!

I think it's rather strong the fact that you are able to control your emotions so well when you're with other people. Like what others have said, talking about it with anyone like a counselor, or a close friend could help a great deal. Most of the time it feels much better to let it all out.

Have you tried the Lost and Found box in MUSC B101?

Originally Posted by Kinder

Have you tried the Lost and Found box in MUSC B101?

not cool, dude.

I sorta know where you're coming from. I tend to internalize my problems to the extent that they only crop up when I'm alone and have no distractions. Denial is a very powerful thing for me and I find it intuitive to just push my problems away rather than deal with them directly.

What I've learned is that you shouldn't pretend nothing's wrong when it is. If people don't know you're hurting, they don't know to help you. I'd suggest finding a close friend, telling them you need to get a few things off your chest and basically tell this person what you told us. Sometimes all it takes is having somebody there, with us, who cares.

The counsellors on campus are hard to get an appointment with. You can try calling this service if you think talking to someone would help. They have trained counsellors who can chat with you or direct you to in-person services in your area. It's also free and available 24/7.

http://www.good2talk.ca/

You can also book a counselling appointment with one of the doctors in the student wellness centre if you can't get an appointment with a counsellor. There's also the McMaster peer support line.

https://www.msumcmaster.ca/services-...r-support-line

Saying you shouldn't pretend nothing is wrong is easier said than done. This might be the only way your body knows how to cope with the shock of losing someone right now, to just shut down when your mind wanders towards painful memories. It might take some time before you begin to process what happened. Don't worry that you're not handling it "right", everyone handles things differently and your reaction is normal. Just try to do what feels right for you.

All that being said... it might be a good idea to go speak with a doctor at the student wellness centre. That way someone has a record of what your situation is if you end up needing some kind of accommodation for school or exams.

Last thing. If you want to directly confront the situation but you automatically start thinking of something else or don't feel anything when you try to, you could try watching a movie or reading a book where someone goes through a similar situation. It might indirectly help you confront your situation if you can sympathize with someone else's story.

I'm sorry that you are going through this. Try to be gentle with yourself, everyone handles things in their own way and at their own pace. It might take a while but you will be ok again.