Hello everybody, I am trying to apply for reinstatement this year and this is my letter. Can u guys please give me some feedbacks? please comment after you have read the entire thing thanks~~ I know there are grammar problems so, please also point those out for man


I would like to briefly summarize my past academic histories before Iexplain the reasons which caused my poor academic performance. I came to Canada on September 2006, upon landing, I immediately enrolledin a university preparation institution for international students. Some courses were easy but some courses weretough to me because English isn't my first language, thus I was struggling withthose courses at beginning. After aseveral month with hard working and help from teachers, everything started toget better, and I was able to score mid 80s on the final exam for almost all mycourses. I did particularly good on math courses because I naturally like toplay with number and I am good at logical thinking. I got into mathematics in 2009, I was veryexcited, and nervous just like everyone else. First year university was challenging for me, as university life is somuch different from high school and preparation schools. I didn't know therewere student services available such as academic counseling and math studenthelping center. My time management skillwasn't good enough for university at that time as well. So my performance wasn'toutstanding for my first university year. As first year university finishes, I developed good time managementskill, just as I was ready to fully express my capability for the upcomingsecond year, some extenuating circumstances started to jump into my life oneafter the other.



Myparents own and run a small restaurant in BeijingChina, although the income isn't much, it was enough to support me tostudy in Canada. In October 2010,there was a fire accident caused by a drunken customer who accidentally startedup a fire on the electricity socket, as a result, the whole restaurant burneddown. My parents did receivecompensation from the insurance company but it was less than what they haveexpected. In China, insurance companies often play around with theirpolicies and compensate their customers unfairly, There was nothing my parentscould have done with the insurance compensation, the money they received wasmerely enough to start the restaurant running again. They gave me two options to choose from,either withdraw school and go back to china or make some money by myself tosupport my living here. I chose thesecond option, I have overcome so many difficulties to end up in a Canadianwell known university, I couldn't just give up like that. I thought maybe Icould spare some of my time to make a living by selling online purchasingservice to china since I can not legally work in Canada. What I did was to find clients in china whowise to purchase goods that are only available in American region, and withtheir money, I help them buy these goods and mail them back to china. In the process, I ask them for a littlecommission. Although I didn't make muchat beginning, but as the number of myclients increase over time, I was able to solely support myself until now. I didn't expect this "part timejob" would have taken so much of my study time and I did end up with verybad marks for the first term, I just couldn't find enough time to study, evenduring exam periods on term one, I was in Toronto shopping for bags while everyone else was studying. I didn't have asecond choice, it was either starve and lag behind on the rent, or have verylittle time to study for school. Just aseverything started to get better for me, On second of march, I heard the newsof my grandfather diagnosed with late stage lung cancer, every one in thefamily was depressed especially me, because I am the only one who can not doanything but sit in Canada, he passed away on the 11th of march which I didn'teven get to say good bye to him. Shortlyafter, my grandmother passed away on the 18th of the same month. I almost had a nerve breakdown since I wasmostly raised up by my grandparents, my parents were not around most of thetime when I was growing up, so to me, I was in certain extend, closer to mygrandparents than my parents. With these shocking news, I was not able to focuson my study as the image of them flashes in my head every second. Therefore, I could expect no better than a passfor my second term courses.



Ihave recovered from these issues now, as my family's restaurant are back inbusiness on the first of April, my dad has gladly told me that with new and oldcustomers, the restaurant is running stably and he will be able to support meagain financially, so I will have time to spend on my study now. I believe I can also overcome the loss of mygrandparents as time goes by. My goal isto get into the Honors mathematics and I do have the confident to achieve theaverage of 6, because math is what I love, math is where my passionbelongs. I am currently taking twosummer courses and I know I can do well in these courses with my matured timemanagement skill and all the helps I can get from counseling and studenthelping center. Successful in academicstudy is vital to me, as my parents have put in so much for me. Please give me a second chance to study at McMaster,I can and I will study very hard if reinstated to show my capability. I also understand that seats are limited inthe mathematics program, so if the program is full, I ask to be placed intosocial science program, I believe I will obtain a mark high enough to transfer backinto mathematics.



Inconclusion, I believe McMaster is a university which seeks students withcompassion, study capability and determination, and I believe I possess allthese three above, all I ask is second chance to prove my capability and show thatI belong to McMaster.

somehow there are few places missing a space between words, guess its time to update my office

Why are so many words joined together? Fix that and reup it

"I would like to briefly summarize my academic history before I explain the reasons for my poor academic performance. I came to Canada in September of 2006. Upon landing, I immediately enrolled in a university preparation institution for international students. Some courses were tough for me because English isn't my first language, and I struggled for some time. After several months of hard work and assistance from teachers, I was able to obtain high marks in the final exams for almost all of my courses. I did particularly well in mathematics courses, because I am particularly interested in this area of study. I was accepted into the Mathematics program at McMaster in 2009. First year of university was challenging for me, as university life is very different from high school and the preparation school I attended. I didn't know there were student services available such as academic counseling and the Math Help Centre. Additionally, my time management skills were inadequate at the time. In the later part of the year, I developed better time management skills. However, just as I was ready to fully express my capabilities for the upcoming second year, some personal circumstances arose.

My parents own and run a small restaurant in Beijing, China. Although the income isn't much, it was enough to support me tostudy in Canada. In October 2010, there was a fire caused by a drunken customer. As a result, the whole restaurant burned down. My parents received compensation from the insurance company but it was less than what they had expected. In China, insurance companies often compensate their customers unfairly and go against their own policies. There was nothing my parents could have done with the insurance compensation. The money they received was barely enough to start running the restaurant again. They gave me two options to choose from: either withdraw school and go back to China, or make some money by myself to support myself while living here. I chose the second option. I have overcome so many difficulties to end up in a well-known Canadian university, so I felt that I couldn't just give up. I thought I could spare some of my time to make a living by selling online purchasing service (I don't know what this means, so I don't know if it needs to be fixed) to China, since I can not legally work in Canada. I aimed to find clients in China who wished to purchase goods that are only available in the North American region, and with their money, I would help them buy these goods and mail them back to China. In the process, I asked to be paid commission. Although I didn't make much at first, the number of clients increased over time. I was able to support myself until now. I didn't expect this part-time job would have taken so much of my study time, and I ended up with very low marks for the first term. I just couldn't find enough time to study. During exam periods in first time, I was in Toronto shopping for bags when I would otherwise be studying. I didn't have a second choice: it was either starve and lag behind on the rent, or have very little time to study for school. Just as everything started to get better, I heard the news that my grandfather was diagnosed with a late stage of lung cancer. Everyone in the family was depressed, especially me, because I was the only one who was in another country. He passed away on the 11th of March. A week later, my grandmother passed away. I almost had a nervous breakdown, since I was mostly raised by my grandparents. My parents were not around most of the time when I was growing up, so to me, I was closer to my grandparents than my parents. With this news, I was not able to focus on my studies. Therefore, I could expect no better than a pass for my second term courses.

I feel that I have recovered from these issues now. My family's restaurant is in business as of early April, and my father has gladly told me that with new and old customers, the restaurant is running stably and he will be able to financially support me again. I feel that I will now have time to spend on my studies. I believe I can also overcome the loss of my grandparents as time goes by. My goal is to get into the Honors Mathematics program, and I am confident I can achieve the required 6.0 average. Math is what I love, and I am very passionate about it. I am currently taking two summer courses, and I know I can do well in these courses with my matured time management skills and all the help I can get from counseling and the Math Help Center. Success in my academics is vital to me, as my parents have put in so much for me. Please give me a second chance to study at McMaster. I can and will study very hard if reinstated to show my capability. I also understand that seats are limited in the Mathematics program, so if the program is full, I ask to be placed into Social Science. I believe I will obtain a mark high enough to transfer back into Mathematics.

I believe McMaster is a university that seeks students with compassion, capability and determination, and I believe I possess all of these qualities. All I ask is a second chance to prove my capability and show that I belong at McMaster."

Read over it again, to make sure I didn't cut out anything important or miss anything. It seems a little long, to me. I know you want to include everything you can, but I don't think they're looking for the details of your job or anything like that. Just the basic events that led to your inability to achieve a good academic standing.

I'm sorry to hear about your misfortune. Hopefully next year is a lot better for you!

Originally Posted by alh24

I thought I could spare some of my time to make a living by selling online purchasing service (I don't know what this means, so I don't know if it needs to be fixed) to China, since I can not legally work in Canada.

I think what he/she means is "a service where I buy North American items on behalf of interested customers in China and then ship the items to them while charging a small commission".

EDIT: ^ or that.

How about this?:

"I thought I could earn a living by running an online purchasing service through China, since I can not legally work in Canada."

I hope everything goes well for you. Which two math courses are you taking during the summer?

How do you know when to apply for reinstatement? Is it after you recieve your final grades?

PS. You have good reasons for bad performance so hopefully you'll be given a second chance

I feel sorry for you hope you get back in

it looks good just those grammar mistakes the others helped u with im not that good with grammar myself

Good luck

Um, try topic sentences? You basically told the story chronologically and made it the reader's job to find out why you didn't do well. I found it unreadable - so I didn't even bother to. My only complaint, really, is its lack of organization - and the reader might think you didn't work hard enough at writing it.

Maybe start out your paragraphs like:

"There were many personal problems that interfered with my ability to do well in school." <Then state what these were.>

"However, I am confident that these issues will no longer get in my way of success at McMaster." <Write about how those previous problems were solved.>

Just plug in your story where it fits my paragraphs, add a conclusion, and you'll be set.

There are two aims for this letter: 1) It needs to be perfect to show that you really want back in! 2) It needs to tell your side of the story.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck!