[moops]

Surviving a Long Distance Romance

BY NEEPA PARIKH, MACINSIDERS

So it’s getting close to the end of summer and the end of summer flings and high school romances. But what if that romance is going great? What if you just don’t want it to end? Enter long distance relationship.

It’s hard enough making a proximal relationship work let alone adding kilometres of distance between the two parties. But, successful long distance relationships can and do exist so here are a few pointers on how to give your long distance relationship a fighting chance.

Step 1: Have the talk

First things first, determine if you are both long distance material. Think about what type of person you and your partner are. If one of you is physically needy and the other isn’t, a long distance relationship may be difficult. If you both think you can handle being physically apart from each other for extended periods of time without losing your emotional connection, you may be ready for a long distance romance.

Next, set some ground rules. What exactly is your relationship status? Are you in an open relationship or are you both going to remain exclusive? Figure out what each of these types of relationships constitutes. Does this mean you can date other people for fun when you’re not together? Do you describe yourself as single or in a relationship to other people? Come to an agreement on these issues before beginning your long distance relationship – it’ll save you a lot of trouble later on.

Step 2: Communicate

Probably the most important thing to do is to determine how often you will be communicating. Some couples will talk to each other every day and others every few days. For some couples it may be necessary to communicate in some way at least once a day to maintain an emotional connection. If one partner wants a long phone call everyday and the other is okay with just some text messages you can expect some arguments.

Then, establish what constitutes communication. There are plenty of ways to communicate nowadays. We have phone calls, instant messaging, text messaging, emails, snail mail, web cam conversations and I’m sure there are more creative ways too. It might be nice to update your partner on your day to day life through an email but save the relationship talk for phone calls. Remember that it’s easy to misinterpret things through e-mail, instant messaging and text messaging so make sure you have time for phone calls once in a while.

Next, plan out your visits carefully. Make sure the times that you can visit are actually spent with each other. If one partner has a lot of things planned out with friends the other may feel left out. That being said, be spontaneous. Everyone loves a little spontaneity. Another thing to remember is that yes, you have been apart for a while so during visits the focus may be on the physical aspects of your relationship. Keep this in mind when planning your visits.

Step 3: Maintain Trust

Trust is key in any type of relationship. Make sure you listen to your partner. Not being with your partner and not meeting their new friends you may begin to imagine different scenarios. For example, you may think that every time your partner goes out with their friends they look for girls or guys to hit on. This is not always the case so try to believe your partner when they tell you that they’re not.

Also, don’t give your partner reasons to be jealous. Refer back to your ground rules. If you are not supposed to be seeing other people, don’t talk about another girl or guy to your partner constantly. Make sure you let them know that you are thinking of them and not about someone else. Stick to your rules and your partner will stick to you.

Step 4: Keep the romance alive

Being far away from each other, a relationship can get boring. So here are some ideas to keep the romance alive.

• Write a love letter and send it by snail mail. Snail mail is underrated. Getting snail mail is like getting a birthday present. Not the greatest at writing love letters? http://www.blueswami.com/loveletter.html/ is a silly love letter generator.
• Read a book at the same time. This will give you loads to talk about.
• Send each other fun coupons.
• Watch a concert online together.
• Send a message in a bottle – so romantic.

If you’ve tried all of this and your relationship still failed – I’m sorry to hear that. Hey, I’m available. Write me that awesome love letter .

[PilotMal]

Good article. I was in a long-distance relationship last year and this is exactly the sort of stuff we sat and talked about.

It CAN work. ^_^

[stevennevets]

it can work, and does

also, skype is the most useful tool for long distance. free video calling over the internet, and especially in res, so fast and clear. i skype with my girlfriend basically every day, makes it much easier to deal with the distance.

[joset2]

A word of caution to all the fellow lovers out there preparing for LD.

- It can be time consuming and sometimes more than you plan on spending. always try to have conversations after school work cause when it comes to LD talks, lots of things can come up that you never planned on talking.

-Hold that frustration. The key is to let that person feel loved and get the same feeling back. thoughtful text messages, emails, sending them a mp3 of your fav songs, a vidoe texts.... possibilities are endless

- Make sure you guys spend enough time with your friends as well, I lacked on this and when the relationship turned sore I had tough time getting my friends back for support so please give them enough time as well.

- Whats better than seeing each other ?? - A webcam isnt so expensive ( if you get off local web site its like 10 $)... Coming online and seeing each other is worth every second and it strengthens relationship.

Finally, dont underestimate the strength of a relationship because it is LD, it takes 2 mature people who wants to be with each other. You have plenty of options around you but you chose this for a reason. DONT forget this.



LD Veteran

[davey]

awesome article!

[feonateresa]

I had a long distance relationship for 3 years, and now, we've been together 3 years in ... uh, shorter distance haha, and we've lived together for a year. So, it can work.

It can be tough, I mean. You have to have a lot of trust and communication (we spoke for hours almost everyday). This is easier now with Skype. You also have to really... love each other. If the love isn't there, then the urge or need to fight for it to stay alive even with long distances isn't really there either.

[Mowicz]

I don't think I'd be able to handle this, haha.

[~*Sara*~]

Me neither >.< It can definitely work, but it requires a ton of effort and/or stress from both sides =P

[keishat]

great article im going to be facing a LD relationship this year so im hoping it will work

[michelle]

Skype is totally key for making this work. My BF lives in the States so it would be really expensive for us to talk on the phone a lot. Having an unlimited text plan really helps too.

[Annie]

He's going to South korea to teach English overseas and we both agreed to try to make it work. Thanks for all the great tips!

[moops]

I know some couples that this has worked for and others that it hasn't been in enough for. These are just the basics. Long distance relationships are definitely hard work.

Skype is awesome for this

[hamnahx02]

awesome article... should be lots of help.

ahhh... i hope it works out- i really want it to :$ hopefully this long distance relationship thing shouldn't be as bad as it seems... i mean if both people are willing to try everything should be good

[huzaifa47]

This one's dedicated to all you LD and Former(:() LD's...well mostly the former *sigh*