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Know any good jokes?

 
Old 11-27-2011 at 06:37 PM   #31
britb
Mr.Spock is not dazzled.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jim1 View Post
Bio joke:

If I were an enzyme, I would be DNA helicase so that I could unzip your genes. ...

Math jokes:
Teacher: What is 2k + k?
Student: 3000!

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!

"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague. "Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."
lol general calculus

doppelganger, Faer, jim1, kaitotst like this.
Old 11-27-2011 at 07:36 PM   #32
Amaryll
My math prof is hotter.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twelve Chars View Post
200 marines walk into a bar and find there is no counter.

What kind of computer does Idra use?


IBM
Highlight for answers.

What did the Medic study when she went to university? Marine Biology.
How many Zealots does it take to change a lightbulb? They can't. They cannot hold!

kaitotst likes this.
Old 11-27-2011 at 07:49 PM   #33
RyanC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amaryll View Post
Highlight for answers.

What did the Medic study when she went to university? Marine Biology.
How many Zealots does it take to change a lightbulb? They can't. They cannot hold!
why did the zergling cross the road?
Old 11-27-2011 at 08:51 PM   #34
The Guardian
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You know what they say about blind prostitutes right?

You've really got to hand it to them
Old 11-28-2011 at 05:40 AM   #35
Sintos
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Lots of text but it SETS UP THE STORY!

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "we are very happy that you have passed our little test... we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.......


My Boss showed me this one... Is that disturbing or awesome?
__________________
Honours Life Science. Year III

Old 11-28-2011 at 06:54 PM   #36
icecubz
Trollin Ain't Easy
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A man walks into a bar...



He takes a seat at the bar and asks the bartender if he has any entertainment around. The bartender pulls out a tiny piano, sets it on the bar, and claps his hands. No sooner had he clapped his hands than a tiny man, seriously a foot tall, walks out to the piano and plays a tune. As soon as he finishes, the tiny man walks back to behind the bar.


"That's amazing!" says the man. "Where did you find something like that?"


"I wished for it. Here, rub the magic beer bottle and you can make a wish too!"
The guy says "Ok, sure"


He goes to the bottle and rubs it and a genie appears. "You have one wish", he says.


The man thinks about it and then wishes for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke fills the room, and when the smoke clears there are a million ducks crowding the bar.


The guy looks at the bartender and says, "Hey! What gives? I didn't want a million ducks!"


The bartender laughs, 'You think I asked for a 12-inch pianist'?


Afzal likes this.
Old 11-28-2011 at 07:24 PM   #37
darklink121
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Two 60 year old married couples are cleaning their attic when the wife finds a bottle. She rubs it and a Genie appears. The Genie grants the husband and the wife 1 wish each.

The wife says "I wish we moved to Florida for our new home".

The Genie grants the wife her wish.

The husband says "My wife use to be pretty when she was young so I wish for her to be 30 years younger than me"

The Genie grants the husband his wish and "poof" he turns 90.
Old 11-28-2011 at 09:29 PM   #38
manap3001
Account Locked
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If we are what we eat, aren't cannibals the only normal ones?
Old 12-01-2011 at 09:11 PM   #39
alyssarr
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What did one wall say to the other wall?

MEET YA AT THE CORNER!

HA!

.......

Entropy likes this.
Old 12-01-2011 at 09:22 PM   #40
jim1
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alyssarr View Post
What did one wall say to the other wall?

MEET YA AT THE CORNER!

HA!

.......
What did one math book say to the other?

Man, I got a lot of problems !
Old 12-01-2011 at 09:36 PM   #41
jim1
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1.
Dad: Could you explain the D and F on your report card?
Son: No problem. It stands for “Doing Fine”.

2.
Teacher: What is the plural for mouse?
Student: Mice.
Teacher: Good, now what is the plural of baby?
Student: Twins!

3.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
“Where’s Popcorn?”

4.
How does Bill Gates enter his house? He uses “windows”.

comte likes this.
Old 12-01-2011 at 10:19 PM   #42
Twelve Chars
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jim1 View Post
4.
How does Bill Gates enter his house? He uses “windows”.
This is actually great
Old 12-01-2011 at 10:19 PM   #43
britb
Mr.Spock is not dazzled.
Join Date: Jul 2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jim1 View Post
1.
Dad: Could you explain the D and F on your report card?
Son: No problem. It stands for “Doing Fine”.

2.
Teacher: What is the plural for mouse?
Student: Mice.
Teacher: Good, now what is the plural of baby?
Student: Twins!

3.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
“Where’s Popcorn?”

4.
How does Bill Gates enter his house? He uses “windows”.
Doing Fine XXD
Old 12-04-2011 at 09:27 PM   #44
icecubz
Trollin Ain't Easy
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Daisy
Daisy who?
Daisy me rollin', they hatin'

Old 12-04-2011 at 10:41 PM   #45
cygnusX1
Member
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Why did the hipster burn his tongue?


He ate his pizza before it was cool.




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