Respond to every question with "What do you think?"

Originally Posted by taylojl

I also think it is important to expose children to what various religions believe. Just because I choose not to identify with a religion doesn't mean my children should be atheists. They should choose whatever path they want.

^This.

My parents are agnostic, but I was taught about most of the major religions then left to make my own choice. In the end it doesn't matter what you tell them..eventually they'll grow and form their own ideas about life and death and what they think.
So you can basically say whatever you want-kids asking that question aren't pondering the meaning if life and death the way we do as we get older...they're just curious. The same way they ask "Why" about everything. Just don't say something horrible like 'monsters will eat you' and you should be good.

Raising your child to be an atheist because you're an atheist and you feel that's the best decision is a bad reason to do so. It effectively makes you no better than the people who raise their children to be whatever religion the rest of the family is, because it's what they know.

Raising your child to be an atheist because you want them to be open-minded about the world and not closed off because of religion is a good reason. But then you shouldn't be raising them to be an atheist in the first place. Provide them with the information, answer their questions about religion, and make sure that in your own raising of them you yourself aren't closing off any paths for them.

Just saying, raising a child to be one specific thing for the sake of open-mindedness is really counterproductive. If it's for the benefit of your child, you should probably let them make your own decision. Imagine, what if they turn around and decide they want to follow a religion after being raised atheist? They'd feel the exact same stress in the whole "figuring life out" thing you had, and feel the same stress that your girlfriend does around her parent's beliefs. And that's what you want to avoid in the first place, isn't it?

It's just significantly easier to let them choose what works for them, in my opinion.

Thanks for the responses everyone!

To avoid confusion, I'm not raising my child as an atheist, only religion-less. There wouldn't be any bias towards one form of thought, but this also wouldn't answer that question I'd be asked to death (pun intended).

Originally Posted by REPLEKIA/.

"Do you remember what it was like before you were born? Death is kind of like that. The important thing is not what death is like, son/daughter, the important thing is what your life is like. If you do your best to live a good, honest life you will live on in the memories of the people whose lives you touched. So just focus on doing your very best to live your life the best you can, and everything will be okay."

seems like a good answer to me.

This comforted me. Maybe I can start off with saying "Everyone has a different opinion on what happens, but I believe...", and keep rehashing it until they're old enough to search for an appropriate answer for themselves.

Originally Posted by TedMosby

The problem is that when I made the long and painful transformation from my former religion to Atheism, I went through a great deal of panic attacks and long nights where I stayed awake and pondered what the point of life is, why we exist and what it'll feel like not existing, etc. and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, let alone little children.

OMG, so glad I'm not the only one. Seriously, I've thought for a long time that it was all a sham, but my boyfriend, who was raised secular and is an atheist has really helped me along. There are some nights where I spontaneously freak out about dying and death, and I owe my comfort all to him. So, although he has not really experienced loss in his family (while I have), I think that having that viewpoint throughout your life helps, as opposed to transitioning from the easy, "oh yeah, sure you keep living". (As I read once, it's just consolation for those "afraid of the dark", which totally makes sense to me.

My bf says that we don't know what happens... so you could hang out like in a dream or something, which is really comforting to me. It's kind of halfway for me I suppose. It's an agnostic point of view, but I'm calmed by the thought that my consciousness could be at peace, especially when I get so stressed out that I could die randomly at any time.... aaaaaaaaaaaah ok I need a hug!

Anyhow, we totally plan raising children secular as well, but I do see the value of bringing up catholicism at least in story-form, as it shapes so much of the western world we know. For example - Jeopardy. Always something biblical in there! So I would probably read the story of Noah's ark to my kids, but in the form of a fictional story, because that's just how the world is (I suppose to me and my bf).

Don't really know if I really contributed anything except my own story, but I do find this topic really interesting, as I have made the transition myself and my whole family is (moderately) religious. Good luck with your transition and family, I find just not bringing it up helps a lot! haha.

Originally Posted by Zimonada

Raising your child to be an atheist because you're an atheist and you feel that's the best decision is a bad reason to do so. It effectively makes you no better than the people who raise their children to be whatever religion the rest of the family is, because it's what they know.

I see your point with this post, but I can't help but think that "atheism" is less of a"belief".

It's like when I saw the video for miss America, "should evolution be taught in schools". (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkBmhM0R2A0). I feel like the question should be the opposite way around - should creationism be taught in schools? Because evolution is clear science, and the other is scripture and made up stuff that people believe. (ps. I HATE how people are like, well evolution is just a THEORY.... obviously they don't understand how science works... hahaha)

I just feel like teaching my kids that there is a divine presence would be as deceptive as teaching them for their whole lives that the easter bunny is real... The easter bunny is a belief - I don't think that not believing in the easter bunny would be a different "belief".

Disclaimer: not entirely sure if that's going to make sense to everybody and I don't mean to bait a fight!

Originally Posted by micadjems

There are some nights where I spontaneously freak out about dying and death

especially when I get so stressed out that I could die randomly at any time.... aaaaaaaaaaaah ok I need a hug!

I've been having this issue a lot lately...nearly everyday. I'm starting to get a bit worried I'm going to develop an anxiety disorder actually because I just don't know how to calm myself down. I don't know how to bring it up with the people I'm close to because nobody really likes to talk about that kind if stuff. And my parents aren't helping by talking about how they're not sure if they'll make it to next year etc so I can't really ask them.

Anyone have any tips, or thoughts that help them?

Originally Posted by crazyfree

Anyone have any tips, or thoughts that help them?

I make sure I ended things right with my fam/friends (last thing I said was I love you, or we had a good time, etc...), everything would be ok, and I wouldn't be around to deal with the stress anyways!
I'd be in my happy place.

(and then I watch online DBZ or play ipod games until I fall asleep and my brain cant think anymore)

should teaching children religion be illegal? it seems to be causing a lot of mental anguish

Several people have already answered your question, good luck in life bro.

Originally Posted by herBs

Several people have already answered your question, good luck in life bro.

Excellent contribution to the discussion. Oh wait..

Originally Posted by TedMosby

This thought has been lingering in my mind for quite some time now, and it's actually causing me to not get any sleep so I thought I'd post it here.

Recently me and my girlfriend had a long talk about where we are in our relationship and if we see us getting married sometime in the future. Somewhere along the line the topic of kids came up and with me being openly Atheist and her being a closet-Atheist (only her closest friends know, her family is very very religious and intolerant of Atheism), we discussed how children with Atheist parents are usually raised. The problem is that when I made the long and painful transformation from my former religion to Atheism, I went through a great deal of panic attacks and long nights where I stayed awake and pondered what the point of life is, why we exist and what it'll feel like not existing, etc. and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, let alone little children. Although I guess most of my pain was with letting go of my former religion that was hammered into my brain as a little child, and it would be different for my children being raised religion-less and all.

My main question what answer could I possibly give to the question "What happens when we die, Dad?" to my children at an innocent age. Help!

Just don't raise them with religion. My parents never taught me or my 3 siblings any type of religion. When we asked about those kinds of things, they said "Some people believe [this], some people believe [that]". When we got older, we all started to think and figure it out for ourselves. We all turned out Atheist. Even though my parents are Christian (? they believe in God but don't go to church or anything), they never pressed any religion on us.
Basically give them access to lots of information. If they say "What happens when we die?", tell them what YOU believe, but also tell them what other people believe. That way, when they do come across religious people, they will understand.

It's up to you. But IMO, it should be more about raising them with knowledge about as much as possible so they can make their own decisions, instead of raising them to believe what you believe.

Just respond, "I don't know son, I'm just as confused as you are."

Originally Posted by Kathy2

Just don't raise them with religion. My parents never taught me or my 3 siblings any type of religion. When we asked about those kinds of things, they said "Some people believe [this], some people believe [that]". When we got older, we all started to think and figure it out for ourselves. We all turned out Atheist. Even though my parents are Christian (? they believe in God but don't go to church or anything), they never pressed any religion on us.
Basically give them access to lots of information. If they say "What happens when we die?", tell them what YOU believe, but also tell them what other people believe. That way, when they do come across religious people, they will understand.

It's up to you. But IMO, it should be more about raising them with knowledge about as much as possible so they can make their own decisions, instead of raising them to believe what you believe.

I don't understand why EVERYONE is like, "Yea, I'll teach my kids about other religions as well as my own views."

I guaran-****ing-tee you that 99% of the people on this forum are identical to the rest of the world and don't know the first thing about other people's beliefs slash shit that isn't relevant to them. And other people's beliefs just aren't relevant to you.

Stop acting like you're all gonna be high and mighty parents that produce well-rounded, intelligent, hard-working and non-d0uchey kids. You will fail just like your parents did.



(Post not directed at you)

Originally Posted by Freak705

As far as questions of "where do we go after we die," I'd say just tell the truth. We break down, we become recycled into other life. The circle of life! In a way, we really do have the potential to "live forever" (until the eventual heat death of the universe, haha). It's a nice thought, really. No fear-mongering of living life in eternal suffering for those who are "bad" by the standards of a script written thousands of years ago. Times change, values change..

I second this. Did the "circle of life" remind anyone else of the Lion King?

I was raised Catholic. I can't honestly say that I identify with the religion anymore, but when I was 6 years old and my Great Grandma passed away, I asked my parents where she'd gone to, and their response (that she went to Heaven) was a huge comfort to me at the time. I loved the idea that she was watching over me and protecting me, and that one day I'd get to see her again.

Now that I'm older, and have better critical thinking skills, I don't buy into the idea of Heaven anymore (even though it would be awesome if it existed... but really?). I'm not sure that teaching the idea to your kids is "deceptive"... more like "well-meaning". I'll probably tell my kids that when they die, they'll go to Heaven, only because it's a nice thought and they'll probably outgrow it one day on their own (if not, that's cool too). Whatever it takes to make them feel better and stop crying, haha.