Hey i'm not sure if this is the right forum to post, so if it isnt the right forum can a mod move it to the correct one.

Anyways so i seen this posted on another forum i visit and got a good chuckle out of it.



Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were crossing the campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding
my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the
bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'

The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."



Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.



Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting
for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him."

"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire so we let them
play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"



Understanding Engineers - Take Four

Q.-What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

A.-Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.



Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.


One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run
a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

Normal people believe that, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Engineers believe that, "If it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough

features yet".



Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion
and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?"

"Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are
spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get
some work done."



Understanding Engineers - Take Nine

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned
it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do whatever you want!"

The engineer smiled again and put the frog back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

LOL I love these!!


Here's some for the Physicists out there (if there are there any?)... and I resent the fact that they're written as if all phys kids are guys but whatev's these are still lulzy.

You know you're in Physics when...

• You have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
• You enjoy pain.
• You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
• You chuckle/wince whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."
• You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
• It is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
• Right now you are converting 70 degrees to Kelvin.
• You use algebra to determine which coins you need at the laundromat.
• You will integrate for food.
• You've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
• You hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.
• You have a pet named after a scientist.
• You laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
• You've ever considered using "You are my density" as a pick up line.
• The Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.
• You can translate English into Binary.
• You can't remember what's behind the door labeled "EXIT" in the science building.
• You never seem to enroll in "the class" with a girl in it.
• You avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
• You consider ANY non-science course "easy."
• When your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
• You'll assume that a chicken is a sphere in order to make the math easier. So true!
• You understood more than five of these indicators.
• You go bald every time you do your homework.
• You're constantly reminded of how little you know.
• You will never think the same of a toy magnet ever again.
• You can't sit through an X-ray without picturing how the actual X-ray photons are generated and what exactly they're doing to you at the moment.
• You're met with wide eyes and slack jaws when you tell people what classes you're taking that semester.
• You can pick out the scientific flaws in Star Trek episodes.
• New people always ask you what you want to do when you get out of college...and you're like..."If I get out..."
• You can stumble your way through Greek writing, having taken absolutely no Greek language classes before.
• Your homework looks like it's written in an alien language.

Top 50 Physics Major Pick-Up Lines

• 1. Hey baby. It's massive. You know what I'm talking about.
  2. What's your resonance frequency?
  3. Your lab bench, or mine?
  4. Don't you hate it how the coyote always remains suspended in midair until he looks down? It's just SO misleading.
  5. Your eyes have a perfect wavelength of 563.4 nm.
  6. Wanna couple our equations tonight?
  7. I'm attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun-with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.
  8. Might I integrate your curves tonight?
  9. I'm hung like a Foucault pendulum.
  10. Two large masses that are close together are supposed to radiate gravitational waves. I think that you're a big part of that.
  11. Einstein had great hair, didn't he? I just love your hair.
  12. I know the spring constant for my mattress. Wanna take some data?
  13. I haven't gotten laid in 4 years, 3 months, and 12 days, plus-or-minus 2 days. Would you care to check my error bars?
  14. What's that great perfume? Vacuum grease?
  15. I love you. Please don't turn away from me just because I'm a physics major. Oh, okay, I'll leave.
  16. A freak lab explosion left me with this 16-inch *****.
  17. You're more special than relativity.
  18. Those other guys said that your eyes shine like stars. But can they explain how they shine with equal brightness? Oh, okay. I'll leave.
  19. Top quark or bottom quark?
  20. Bartender, bring this fine lady a Scotch and H2O. Hey baby, that's just my way of saying Scotch and Water. You like?
  21. That dress would look even better accelerating towards my bedroom floor at 9.8 m/s2
  22. Yes I do like to move fast. My style is like a 10 GeV accelerator. Do you like my style?
  23. I have E=mc2 tattooed on my ass. Wanna see?
  24. I have e=nhf tattooed somewhere else. Wanna see?
  25. Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion.
  26. Most women are so complex. They're always like"i! i! i!" But you- you're just so real.
  27. Let's exchange fermions!
  28. Even the O2 you exhale is fiz-ine!!!
  29. I might be a physics major, but I'm no Bohr in bed.
  30. Can I have your significant digits?
  31. Hey baby, what's your sine?
  32. Heisenberg was wrong. I'm certain about what you're doing tonight.
  33. Wanna expand my polynomial?
  34. Like the ideal vacuum, you're the only thing in my universe. No, it's alright, I'll just go over there.
  35. You and Me = Grand Unification
  36. I saw your empty valence shell from way over there. Did I mention that my nickname is Sodium?
  37. My friends told me that I should ask you out because you can't differentiate. Do you need math help?
  38. I'll make you dinner. I'll make you breakfast. But in between, we'll have to have some dessert. And I'm a physics major.
  39. How much do you charge? My paper-grading job doesn't pay a lot.
  40. Your smile is warmer than hydrogen plasma.
  41. Engineers don't know the first thing about pleasing a woman. Friction alone can't get the job done.
  42. My last partner wasn't very stable. She spontaneously decayed last week and left me for a neutrino. *****.
  43. I could get you Roahn Winer's autograph.
  44. How do you feel about group experiments?
  45. I got a pocket full of radium and my homeboys do too.
  46. Would a loser be able to recite pi out to 50 decimal places? Huh? Would he? Oh, okay. I'll leave.
  47. In my bed, it's perpetual motion all night long, baby.
  48. I swear I'm not a physics major.
  49. Does your skin feel burnt? Because I think you must have just fallen down from heaven, and re-entry would have caused some problems for you.
  50. You make me want to be a better physicist.

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world:

Those who know binary and those who don't.

Bahahahaaha Yaaay

Originally Posted by wintermelon

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world:

Those who know binary and those who don't.

huh 10 kinds?? haha jk
I hated decoding binary and hexadecimal in HS.

If it isnt broken... take it apart and fix it!

Originally Posted by temara.brown

Bahahahaaha Yaaay

Waiting for someone to say, "that's only two kinds, stupid!"

ahahahaha.

AWESOME thread. Props.

10. The world does revolve around us... we choose the coordinate system.
9. No "couple" enjoy a better "moment".
8. We know how to handle stress and strain in a relationship.
7. We have significant figures.
6. We understand the motion of rigid bodies.
5. Projectile motion: Do we need to say more?
4. Engineers do it to specification.
3. According to Newton, if two bodies interact, their forces are equal and opposite.
2. We know it's not the length of the vector that counts, but how you apply the force.
1. WE KNOW THE RIGHT HAND RULE!

haha, and so, so true

Understanding Engineers - Take Ten

Q: What is the definition of an engineer?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

...sorry, those are sexist (I just copied them), there are plenty of girl engineers now a days, numbers are up 50%, from 2% to 3% of all engineers.

okay...um...was that supposed to be funny? or was it just funny by circumstance?

Originally Posted by wintermelon

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world:

Those who know binary and those who don't.

1000101?

01. 10100110101 1000110101 1010 101000010101010111010 1010. 010101010101010101010 100101 10101. 1001010101010 :p

10101, 10101010110101001 1010. 1010 1011 11. 00000. 1000000000001010101 101011111 110 11010101 001111010101110110101 1101101 1 1 10101 10010 111 00 101 110010101 1001 10.