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Old 02-03-2013 at 02:26 PM   #1
Jennnnn
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concern, need advice
Hi, my friend recently had a break up a few days ago. She has a midterm tomorrow and a few more coming up in the next week, but she cannot seem to get herself back together. I'm really worried about her because her marks will be effected because of this, and any advice I give to her or even if we study together does not seem to work. She mentions how every time she reads the textbook material, she cannot concentrate and forgets the material fast. Any suggestions would be really nice on how i can help her, thanks
Old 02-03-2013 at 02:32 PM   #2
starfish
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There's nothing you can do. You can't deal with a problem for someone else, as much as you may want to.

It's only been a few days, so it seems like a pretty normal reaction. If it doesn't get better after several weeks then you should probably suggest that she go see a doctor, but that's really all you can do.
Old 02-03-2013 at 02:49 PM   #3
Kudos
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Been in your shoes... and hers.

The short answer is, you can't do anything. You can't force her to study or focus, but depending on how close you two are you may be able to encourage her to take care of herself in other ways, like getting enough sleep, eating properly, exercising, etc... these little things can help her manage her problems. And, it goes without saying, be there for her if she needs to talk.

I'm kind of in a rut myself lately and I depend a lot on my closest friend to keep my routine going steady, but we are very close and have lived together for years and she knows when to intervene and when to just keep an eye out. You know your friend best, so just give it some time and you'll figure it out.
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Old 02-03-2013 at 02:57 PM   #4
Zebedee
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This is why we wait until after education to start dating, folks.
With all due respect.

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Old 02-03-2013 at 04:08 PM   #5
ZSimon
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Alcohol, listening to Ke$ha and plan B pills are popular I hear.
Old 02-03-2013 at 07:49 PM   #6
Ponyo
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In my opinion its okay for her to be sad for a little while. She needs time and her friends. Although i don't think she has much time b/c of midterms. Just stay with her and help her focus on other things. Try to keep her distracted, go together to the library and study then maybe go the gym together. Motivation comes from within, so tell her that if she wants good grades she better study. yes it's terrible that she is going through this but her education and future are more important than being sad over a guy that is not worth her time and her doing bad in school.
Don't forget to focus on your own midterms !
PS: i suggest you stock up on chocolate

Last edited by Ponyo : 02-03-2013 at 07:56 PM.

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Old 02-03-2013 at 09:32 PM   #7
Leeoku
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Had friend in this scenario. Tell your friend this.
1) Write the test as normal
2) If she REALLY can't focus, MSAF

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Old 02-03-2013 at 09:36 PM   #8
Ponyo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leeoku View Post
Had friend in this scenario. Tell your friend this.
1) Write the test as normal
2) If she REALLY can't focus, MSAF
off topic but what is MSAF and how can you do it ?
Old 02-03-2013 at 09:47 PM   #9
kotton
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ponyo View Post
off topic but what is MSAF and how can you do it ?
It allows you to miss an assignment/test, but the weight gets added to your exam.

http://mcmaster.ca/msaf/ <-- link to msaf

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Old 02-03-2013 at 09:57 PM   #10
starfish
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kotton View Post
It allows you to miss an assignment/test, but the weight gets added to your exam.

http://mcmaster.ca/msaf/ <-- link to msaf
That's not actually true.

The prof decides what to do about it. They could give you an extension on the assignment or a make-up test date, or an alternative assignment or distribute the weight across other assignments or any number of other options that work with the course.

Adding the weight to your exam is the most common because it is the easiest option to implement, but it is by no means the guaranteed outcome...and obviously not even possible in courses that don't have final exams.

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Old 02-03-2013 at 11:24 PM   #11
Jennnnn
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Thanks for all of your help, really appreciate it! If things do not get better, do you think it is better if i let her go to the student wellness office? Any input on this?
Old 02-03-2013 at 11:32 PM   #12
ofomkcidtae
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I would recommend you give me her number , all her problems are gone.

But in all seriousness, yes the student wellness center would be a good start. Honestly losing a boy friend is no big deal, not the end of life. Loss can be a powerful motivator. Look at Batman, his parents are dead, and he forced him self to fighting crime.

In short, kill her parents and she will become bat women or something.

PS: Last line is is a joke

Old 02-04-2013 at 07:16 AM   #13
starfish
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennnnn View Post
Thanks for all of your help, really appreciate it! If things do not get better, do you think it is better if i let her go to the student wellness office? Any input on this?
You are not "letting" her go to the student wellness centre. It is her decision and it's not up to you to stop her. It's not up to you to try and make her go, either. You can explain why you think it's a good idea for her to go, but it's ultimately up to her. You can't force help on someone who isn't ready to accept it.

Some people find SWC very helpful for these issues and others do not. I think it's at least worth a try, if your friend is willing.
Old 02-04-2013 at 09:16 AM   #14
Chris23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zebedee View Post
This is why we wait until after education to start dating, folks.
With all due respect.
yes... that is the reason you have been single for all of university....

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