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How do shy people make friends?

 
Old 09-28-2013 at 01:59 PM   #1
hamsterific
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How do shy people make friends?
I have no friends at Mac or in Hamilton and I'm so shy that it's difficult to talk to people. It's been almost a whole month now and I still haven't met anyone. Some days I go all day without saying a word to anyone. I've signed up for clubs but haven't gone to any meetings yet because I get so nervous and panic before.

How do shy/socially anxious people make friends at university? Any tips?
Old 09-28-2013 at 02:07 PM   #2
anonanon987
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hamsterific View Post
I have no friends at Mac or in Hamilton and I'm so shy that it's difficult to talk to people. It's been almost a whole month now and I still haven't met anyone. Some days I go all day without saying a word to anyone. I've signed up for clubs but haven't gone to any meetings yet because I get so nervous and panic before.

How do shy/socially anxious people make friends at university? Any tips?
Find some common ground. That makes it so much easier to talk to people. A safe and good starting point would be to talk to people before your class and after your class. Please do not talk during class though, as that is distracting to others. Even though you know how to do a question, perhaps just ask a classmate how you do the question. Or what they think about the class, their first year so far, or their residence experience?

I hope this gives you some idea. I'm quite shy myself at times, so meeting new people can be nerve wracking and causes me to become extremely nervous and anxious, so I know what you're going through.

All the best,

Humza

sm18 says thanks to anonanon987 for this post.

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Old 09-28-2013 at 02:12 PM   #3
Leeoku
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Go to the events/clubs which you will enjoy (things that interest you like sports, games, activity clubs etc). You'll meet people who will get you involved and talk with u.

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Old 09-28-2013 at 02:17 PM   #4
PhilM
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Start going to those clubs meetings especially if any of those happen to be athletic clubs. The "meetings" will actually be "practices" and everyone will be focussing on their training so no one there really feels obligated to be social but then all of a sudden you might find yourself making chit chat with someone.

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Old 09-28-2013 at 03:09 PM   #5
Entropy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leeoku View Post
Go to the events/clubs which you will enjoy (things that interest you like sports, games, activity clubs etc). You'll meet people who will get you involved and talk with u.
Yes, this is a shameless plug, but...

I've found that it's much easier to meet people on a personal level in small groups of 3-4 people than one-on-one or large groups (e.g. Mac Connector), and playing board games is a fun, casual way to do so. You're "stuck" with people for 30-60 minutes at a time, and most games force you to interact with them, so talking comes pretty naturally while doing so.

The McMaster Board Game Society meets every Tuesday night in the Student Centre, come out for a night of games (you can skip Econ if you have it) and say hey!
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Old 09-28-2013 at 03:17 PM   #6
Ownaginatios
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Sit next to random people in class or the library and say things like,

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Old 09-28-2013 at 07:27 PM   #7
jamescw1234
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http://www.macinsiders.com/chat/

This.

And your profile says 'social work.' Not sure if you're first year soc sci and a prospective social work student or actually in the social work program. The greatest friends you'll ever have are in social work. It's a small program so we become one big family, so there's that also
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Old 09-28-2013 at 10:40 PM   #8
SweetyTweety
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Tutorials are the best for meeting people in first year. Just smile at people and make yourself approachable and you'll see - people will be coming up to you asking you for your number, or asking to hang out. First year is actually the easiest for making new friends, since everyone is looking to make friends at a new school.

If the smiling thing doesn't work (which it should, because as girls, it's one of our powers ), suggest study groups for difficult classes, or if you have group assignments, get people to add you on facebook...etc.
All these seem like really small things, but it's a start.

But seriously, though, just smile. People will come to you.
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...And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

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Old 09-28-2013 at 10:48 PM   #9
dreamer21
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First of all Kiki's Delivery Service is awesome, so we should just be friends

I actually made a thread 2 years ago I think about dealing with this issue myself. I have to say, as lame as it might sound, you need to 'practice' so to speak. Start by making small efforts like the other posters have suggested, like talking to someone before class. You can ask or comment about an assignment or midterm you have coming up or something. The more you talk to people, even just short conversations, the easier it becomes . Usually the best classes to make friends in are tutorials, labs, or just ones that are generally small in size because it's easier to talk to the same people more often in them.

I've been commuting since first year and I've definitely found it hard at times to make friends, but the people I've stayed in contact with have been ones that I've met in small classes and in my program.

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Old 09-28-2013 at 11:48 PM   #10
Reda
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I can be your friend only if ur a celebrity look a like
Old 09-29-2013 at 12:11 AM   #11
Abhimint
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Dont be afraid to say something random, I usually end up saying a bunch of absurd stuff and I made a ton of friends!
Old 09-29-2013 at 12:14 PM   #12
ta2012
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Haha I am sort of a shy person myself as well xD.
When I was in first year, I started making friends with those from High school and it kind of branched off from there and I ended up knowing a lot of people by the end + a lot of good friends.
I'm pretty sure there's gotta be at least 1 person from your high school

For an alternative way, 'going' (not just joining) to clubs is another good idea.
I remember I was suffering from severe anxiety as well (you seriously can't be worse than how I used to be. I couldn't even walk into the Student center)
Just go to one of the clubs that you joined and talk to people. Honestly, if you start socializing with people and make good friends, anxiety will kind of fade away. I, for example, became a completely different person after going through a lot of socializing lol.

One good thing to that helps a lot when you're suffering anxiety & panic attacks is to remind yourself that you're not the center of everyone's focus. There's actually a lot of research done on this. People don't care what you do, what you wear, how you look, etc.
So yeah.. just try to be confident (or even, try to 'act' confident) and I'm sure you'll make a lot of friends by the end

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Old 09-29-2013 at 12:46 PM   #13
Chad
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We have a whole student-written article series on getting involved at McMaster. Extra-curriculars are the best way to quickly meet new people and get to know them well by working with them on a regular basis. Check them out here: http://www.macinsiders.com/forumdisp...220.html?f=220

Aside from running MacInsiders, I was on the exec committees for many things while I was at Mac... and the most memorable ones that I made a lot of friends at were (in order):

#1: CLAY (Creating Leadership Amongst Youth) Conference run by the MSU - This was my fav. event to help run and be staff on. I met so many great McMaster students that were staff for this, and made some of the best friends through this. Everyone that takes part in organizing and executing a leadership conference are very smart, outgoing, fun people that want to help others. A great crowd to be around.

#2: HORIZONS Leadership Conference run by the MSU. Similar to CLAY, but for incoming Mac students. Runs over the summer.

#3: MWC (McMaster World Congress) run by the Degroote School of Business. While I wasn't a business student, I was still able to help out with marketing and assist with running the conference. It was so much fun, the exec team was amazing, and I also got to meet a lot of great business leaders that were keynote speakers. Working with Dr. Nick Bontis is definitely an amazing experience.

#4: Canada's Next Top Ad Exec run by the Degroote School of Business and lead by professor Mandeep S. Malik. Amazing contest, lots of fun, and if you have any interest in marketing/advertising then this is the event for you.

#5: CSMM Society (Communication Studies/Multimedia Society): My faculty's society ran various networking events which were great to participate in and help organize. Most faculties and programs have some sort of student-run society you can join and be a part of. It's the best way to meet other students within your faculty and program that are student leaders.

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Old 09-29-2013 at 12:56 PM   #14
MHResident
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Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear about your first year experience so far. It can be difficult to meet people and make friends when you're suffering from anxiety. The good news is that you've recognized the problem early in the year and there's plenty of time for you to learn ways to manage your anxiety and ultimately make friends and to be able to go to events without having a panic attack. I was in your place in first year and all I can tell you is that this is something that you can work on and improve. I would skip tutorials, labs, class, events, club meetings etc, so I totally understand where you're coming from. One thing that really helps is personal counseling because it gives me a chance to talk about these feelings and negative thoughts that cause anxiety. Now I'm not saying you should get personal counseling, that is a personal decision, but just remember that resources do exist. There's also a group therapy that you can sign up for. The advice posted by other people can also be helpful, like challenging the thoughts that cause you anxiety and just exposing yourself to social situations that make you uncomfortable because overtime, they do actually become less anxiety provoking.

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Old 09-29-2013 at 03:20 PM   #15
UnfortunateL
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You're in SOCS and you're not friends with anyone there? I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT! Come say hi. SOCS people are uber friendly. You being shy and you not taking action to find friends are two different things.



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