Thanks for the words of advice everyone I am trying to slowly go out of my comfort zone and do things I wouldn't normally do. I met up with someone I knew from high school who is going to invite me to hang out with her friends so hopefully that will make things easier.

Entropy: Board games sounds like a good idea, I'll have to come sometime!

UnfortunateL: Sounds as though you have no idea what it's like to have social anxiety.

Originally Posted by hamsterific

Thanks for the words of advice everyone I am trying to slowly go out of my comfort zone and do things I wouldn't normally do. I met up with someone I knew from high school who is going to invite me to hang out with her friends so hopefully that will make things easier.

Entropy: Board games sounds like a good idea, I'll have to come sometime!

UnfortunateL: Sounds as though you have no idea what it's like to have social anxiety.

In many cases, social anxiety comes from us not being comfortable with what we represent.

Usually people either pretend to be something else, or they look around to find out that it's all relative and there are much worse cases.

I know a lot of people that try to be something else, university life gives them that chance, provided they are away from home.

It's just some psychological insight into the situation.

Originally Posted by hamsterific

Thanks for the words of advice everyone I am trying to slowly go out of my comfort zone and do things I wouldn't normally do. I met up with someone I knew from high school who is going to invite me to hang out with her friends so hopefully that will make things easier.

Entropy: Board games sounds like a good idea, I'll have to come sometime!

UnfortunateL: Sounds as though you have no idea what it's like to have social anxiety.

Shy and socially anxious are two different things. If you're so socially anxious, why would you even post to a forum where people can hide behind the anonymity of the internet.

Deal with your problems, don't just sweep them under the rug. I have plenty of friends who have social anxiety, and I tell them the same thing. Just put yourself out there.

Talking to people in class can be difficult. Tutorials make them easier to a certain degree but it is still something I am not comfortable with. Clubs have the same flaw. You go to a general meeting with 20 other people and for someone who's shy this can be very intimidating. I went to so many club events first year, and I barely made any friends. But I don't think this necessarily discounts the good that came come from trying such things.

I think the thing to remember is that it will take time, and you will have to endure. Everyone changes at a different rate, but if you're not making friends right away you have to do your best not to get discouraged. I know this can be difficult at times, but you can't lose hope. Because to lose hope means to have certain knowledge of the future, and no one has that ability.

I've been at Mac for a while now and shyness is still something I struggle with. But if you were to compare myself now to myself in first year you would think it were impossible. The key is to go at your own pace and find your own path. Fear is usually what holds us back and there is no easy way to overcome it other than to face it. Just remember that your first step does not have to be one over the cliff.

Something that I've noticed is a lot of the people I'm comfortable talking to are generally those kinds of people who can just easily be friends with almost everyone. I'm not saying to look specifically for these people, but that there are those whom you will meet that can help you along the way. The important thing is that you're taking steps to change rather than letting fear stop you from ever growing. If you join a club, maybe you won't make friends right away, but eventually there will be that small group of people you just become comfortable with and then all you have to do is let nature take its course.

I also agree with you about UnfortunateL. One of the biggest obstacles for shy people (at least for me) is others thinking you don't want to be their friend because you barely try to engage them or that it soon becomes a one sided effort on their part. They don't understand the difficulty of the situation because it is something that comes so easy to them. It is a burden, but one that you unfortunately must endure.


Anyways, sorry about my extremely long rant, but I just wanted to give my opinion. I sincerely hope things work out for you and wish you all the best.


"If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place."
-Nora Roberts

Originally Posted by redstarr37

"If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place."
-Nora Roberts

Pretty much exactly this.

Originally Posted by UnfortunateL

Shy and socially anxious are two different things. If you're so socially anxious, why would you even post to a forum where people can hide behind the anonymity of the internet.

Deal with your problems, don't just sweep them under the rug. I have plenty of friends who have social anxiety, and I tell them the same thing. Just put yourself out there.

It is completely normal to mix up shyness and social anxiety because those two are very closely linked.
Although you might have a lot of friends who 'might' be suffering from social anxiety (I can't really tell for sure since many people claim that they have social anxiety when they really don't), you don't seem to know how it really feels when you're actually suffering from it.

Dealing with the problems is a great way of improving the symptoms, but you have to realize that it's not as simple as it might seem. In many cases of social anxiety, it coincides with depression, and when that happens, it's not easy to "just put yourself out there". That is exactly why there are clinical psychologists out there.

just fyi, by depression, I don't mean the one that everyone goes through once a while. I mean the clinically significant depression as listed in the DSM.

Simply telling people to get over themselves is not a good advice especially for those who are suffering from severe anxiety disorders.

I go by the philosophy of even if 99% of people dislike you, even if that 1% likes you, then that's enough. Say hi and what's up to the two people beside you in every lecture and you will be bound to find a click.

Originally Posted by UnfortunateL

Shy and socially anxious are two different things. If you're so socially anxious, why would you even post to a forum where people can hide behind the anonymity of the internet.

Deal with your problems, don't just sweep them under the rug. I have plenty of friends who have social anxiety, and I tell them the same thing. Just put yourself out there.

Do you have no empathy?

Everyone has probably experienced social anxiety to some degree, but when you have severe anxiety, it's not something that you can just "deal with." I'm happy that OP posted this thread because I'm sure there's plenty of other people who are going through the same thing and this could be helpful for them too. I know this is something that I wanted to post in first year.. OP is courageous. You on the other hand have an axe to grind..

I was you in my first year. I had a close circle of high school friends to keep me safe, and then upon coming to Mac I was at a loss. I don't really have any advice to offer you, because I didn't really take any action to change this. I met people randomly... roommates, project groups, friends of friends, old friends who became better friends and I now have a wonderful circle of friends in Hamilton. All I can tell you is to be patient, and do your best to be open to new people and new experiences.

To be honest, I still don't like club meetings, anytime the profs make you do groupwork in class with no prior warning, or "icebreaker" activities. I hated welcome week. But then, I'm an introvert and I'm shy (except that 9/10 people who know me would dispute that, because they only see me in my comfort zone, where I'm the one at parties who's the first to crack jokes, sing songs and suggest we go out and do something bizarre). I hate it when I have social interaction thrust upon me (including when my best friend CALLS ME ON THE PHONE with no prior warning. I'm that bad.). You gotta just let it happen on your terms.

Meeting new people can be pretty scary, and I completely understand how you feel! But I realized how friendly everyone at McMaster actually is, so I grew more confident in talking to people. I hope you experience this epiphany too! I like that first reply, "finding common ground" is absolutely the first step. Then, you can introduce yourself, be as sweet as can be, and you're all set!

Good luck! Things always get better when you find fun in everything. Fear is a bully!

<3 Jessica

Actually yes, I was diagnosed with depression and social phobia years ago, I've been treating it with medication and therapy for a long time and I have not been "sweeping it under the rug" or making no effort to fix it. I've put a lot of sweat and tears into it and I've come a long way from not being able to leave my house to going to university on my own. I never though I would do that or even live long enough to see university, honestly.

I call it shyness because I don't think it's anyone else's business what diagnosis I have, and because frankly it's hard to talk about the subject. But being treated like I'm somehow just being lazy or whiny or that it's my fault is not only hurtful but kind of offensive.

Thanks everyone for your replies and I really appreciate the support!! I've realized these things need to be talked about rather than stigmatized or shamed because it only makes those of us with these issues retreat further into themselves.

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