I got to know a girl. She's my friend's sister. We have known each other for month now. When we met, we knew there was something going on. And we eventually admitted feelings for each other. Shortly after (week later), we decided to take it slow by being a friend as parents and her brother was strongly against it. We agree to wait couple years, but we were going to spend that two years to work at it. She still called me sweet names and things seemed to be good. But I guess I talked to her too much and made things less mysterious for her. And things slowly changed. I can tell there was no respect from her in this relationships. I seemed to get more hurt in this relationship than gaining something. So I was telling her to ending it. But she said she was only going to push me away to the point where I will notice something is wrong and act on it instead of seeing me give up. And she felt that she realized how much i value to her until she is on the verge of seeing someone leaving. So we decided to meet up sometime. And then she pointed out that because I am a man that I need to initiate something in relationship. She hates to see herself initiating all the time. But I was only refraining from initiating because I was afraid that I will cross the boundary since we decided to wait couple years until then we were just little more than friend. for example, what if i try to hold her hand and she pulls away and things get awkward?

So my question is: although she was keeping me from leaving, it doesnt mean i got respect back from her, right? she only wants attention from me, don't u think?

Originally Posted by gongshow

I got to know a girl. She's my friend's sister. We have known each other for month now. When we met, we knew there was something going on. And we eventually admitted feelings for each other. Shortly after (week later), we decided to take it slow by being a friend as parents and her brother was strongly against it. We agree to wait couple years, but we were going to spend that two years to work at it. She still called me sweet names and things seemed to be good. But I guess I talked to her too much and made things less mysterious for her. And things slowly changed. I can tell there was no respect from her in this relationships. I seemed to get more hurt in this relationship than gaining something. So I was telling her to ending it. But she said she was only going to push me away to the point where I will notice something is wrong and act on it instead of seeing me give up. And she felt that she realized how much i value to her until she is on the verge of seeing someone leaving. So we decided to meet up sometime. And then she pointed out that because I am a man that I need to initiate something in relationship. She hates to see herself initiating all the time. But I was only refraining from initiating because I was afraid that I will cross the boundary since we decided to wait couple years until then we were just little more than friend. for example, what if i try to hold her hand and she pulls away and things get awkward?

So my question is: although she was keeping me from leaving, it doesnt mean i got respect back from her, right? she only wants attention from me, don't u think?

Nobody hear knows the full extent of the situation; we also don't know what specific events make you feel less valued or less important, so we can't really comment on whether they were meant to make you feel that way.
However, from what you're saying, this could be a misunderstanding. Perhaps it's a matter of communication and both of you expressing what you want from the relationship, each other and what you feel comfortable with.
That way you can discuss things like how she prefers her boyfriends/male partners to initiate things without having to experience anything painful to find out what's going on.
I'd recommend talking to her about how you're feeling before worrying too much; we can try and give you some but only you know each other this way and only you are in the relationship.
Good luck and I hope things work out

I think she's saying that she wants you to initiate something.

If she isn't you need to consider whether you want to be "on her hook"

After a month of being "friends" with my ex, I decided being on someone's hook isn't a very good position. Only you can decide if its worth it.

I think you guys should definitely sit down and talk about the waiting issue..as it seems to me you agreed to wait because her family didn't approve. If this is the case, it seems odd that she'd be mad at you for not initiating anything. In fact, you're being extremely respectful to her family by waiting and watching your boundaries.

I wouldn't say she's just looking for attention, but you should really talk to her about why you haven't been initiating things and take it from there. I don't think she doesn't respect you, I think there may be a misunderstanding on her expectations. (she might expect you to initiate things when you're being respectful).

The best thing to do is talk to her before jumping to conclusions =].

be a "MAN" for once in your life

After i told her that I was done with this painful relationship, she talked about how i wasn't initiating and that was frustrating. She also noted that me leaving her realize certain value she has for me. and then she said she wants to say something to me but she said that it will have to wait until next week we meet up. Any ideas on what it will be like?

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If I knew what it would be like, I'd be psychic. She's a woman bro, NOBODY knows whats gonna be going down.
Usually guys are expected to initiated just about everything, and if there's been no progress over a period of a few YEARS... then she take that as lack of interest.
So ... she's stuck around after a few years. When you go meet her, just start off with what she wants to say. Don't let her circle around it, and just get down to business.
If all goes well at this meeting, then go to hold her hand. If she pulls away, she'll either give you a good reason (she's not ready yet, in which case, you guys need to talk things out about your timeline over the next century), or she'll just not be that interested in you (in which case, you were right to leave the first time). You only live once, and occasionally once every few years, you need to be a man of action.

So why did she say 'i want to tell u something, but can't tell u until i see you in person' ?

Originally Posted by gongshow

So why did she say 'i want to tell u something, but can't tell u until i see you in person' ?

her communication devices have been wire-tapped/keylogged by big brother

Originally Posted by gongshow

So why did she say 'i want to tell u something, but can't tell u until i see you in person' ?

Face time is important. You can't always hide behind a cellphone or a computer screen.

Originally Posted by gongshow

So why did she say 'i want to tell u something, but can't tell u until i see you in person' ?

when can you see her in person? it's easier to work things out in person and talk face to face.

Originally Posted by gongshow

"But she said she was only going to push me away to the point where I will notice something is wrong and act on it instead of seeing me give up."

seems like she enjoys "the game". That chase where someone pulls back interest to get the other person to show interest out of fear of losing them, and then that person pulls back and so on.

if thats the case, the best way to get something you want, is to no longer want it.

She says she doesn't want to keep initiating things, and your holding back because you thought thats what she wanted. In this case I, personally would start making the plans, choosing where to go out and throwing in a hug or so during the meet up/goodbye, going out more and less msn. i dont know what kind of girl this is so the type of physical affection is for you to choose.

If she JUST wants you to be interested in her but to keep it as a "just friends" thing, that COULD mean she wants a fallback, someone who she has incase she feels the need for a boyfriend and can't find one. Im not saying this is your case, but there are people this cruel out there.

well the disclaimer is, I have no idea what your relationship is like and what her personality is like. Also note that if my advice is fool proof, I wouldnt be single at the moment Good luck with the thing she has to tell you.

Yeah she is enjoying the game for sure. Question is if she is doing it consciously or unconsciously?

Well that's for you to decide. Sometimes people don't realise their actions because they have other intentions at heart and their behaviours might be perceived in a way they don't expect.
A simple example is eye contact between different cultures.
In North America, let's say a male and a female are talking - you're expected to make eye contact. If you don't, it might mean you're shy, interested in the person, ashamed, guilty, tired, etc.
In other countries, you aren't supposed to make eye contact with the opposite sex. If you do make eye contact, it means you're being rude, lewd, inconsiderate, staring, inappropriate, etc.

So you really have to see what the aspects of her personality are saying about her.
Again we can all support you or give you our opinion, but due to the nature of the situation you've described, I think it's really something you have to determine yourself