Honestly, guys have to go through a lot of sh*t just to find a girl. A lot of girls do go to clubs just to be teases and get hit on, and guys have to deal with getting rejected by these girls time and time again. You girls are straight up clueless about this stuff and the potential emotional scars which can arise since none of you have to go through what we do. Say we do get your number, we have to think about when to next contact you after getting your number, whether if we should call or text, what we should say to get you to go on a date with us, what we should do on the date, then the guy has to pay for the date, etc. I can honestly go on forever about how lopsided and favorable to girls the dating scene is.

Originally Posted by crazyfree

I can see how that might be frustrating, or hurtful for you or other guys.
However, have you ever considered that dancing is fun, and that perhaps a girl may enjoy dancing not as an act of enticement, but instead as an enjoyable way to spend one's time?

It almost seems as if you are implying that if a girl is dancing she then owes you for your interest in her.

There's a reason that there are straight clubs and gay clubs, and it's not homophobia; it's so that you know who to hit on. I know that girls will often go to gay clubs if they don't want to be hit on, because even if there is a straight guy at a gay club, he'll understand that the girls aren't there to pick up guys.
I'm not saying that a girl owes me for my interest in her, but I am saying this: when animals are looking for a mate, they attempt to make themselves sexually appealing, go to a breeding ground, and often do a mating dance. What girl goes to a club without making themselves look hot first? And the closets thing that humans have to a breeding ground is clubs (and bar, parties, etc.), and if you're dressed to attract a mate, and you go to the breeding grounds, and you dance, you are doing a mating dance. No other animal does mating dances without the intention of finding a mate.

If a girl just wants to dance, she should not make herself appealing to guys; instead, every girl that "just wants to dance" dresses to look as hot as possible.
If a girl just wants to dance, but wants to look hot, avoid breeding grounds: go to a gay club (or bar, party, etc.).
If a girl wants to look hot and go to a breeding ground, don't dance.
If a girl wants to look hot, dance, and go to a breeding ground, but doesn't want to pick up a guy, bring a guy. Once you're taken, guys will leave you alone.

Originally Posted by crazyfree

I can see how that might be frustrating, or hurtful for you or other guys.
However, have you ever considered that dancing is fun, and that perhaps a girl may enjoy dancing not as an act of enticement, but instead as an enjoyable way to spend one's time?

It almost seems as if you are implying that if a girl is dancing she then owes you for your interest in her.

This is what I was getting at. BJSchleifer, how do you know the reason you were rejected? Maybe they did think you were ugly. Or maybe you came off as pushy. Maybe they just wanted to dance alone. Unless you asked you don't know why. I will be blunt: you don't sound like you're confident when you take rejection so personally. But it's still a big leap to make from rejection to blaming women for cruelly enticing you with their outfits.

If you want to go clubbing just to hook up, fine. As is your right. But you also have to accept that people go clubbing for different reasons and you wanting everyone to be there for the same thing won't ever make it so.

Originally Posted by BJSchleifer

There's a reason that there are straight clubs and gay clubs, and it's not homophobia; it's so that you know who to hit on. I know that girls will often go to gay clubs if they don't want to be hit on, because even if there is a straight guy at a gay club, he'll understand that the girls aren't there to pick up guys.
I'm not saying that a girl owes me for my interest in her, but I am saying this: when animals are looking for a mate, they attempt to make themselves sexually appealing, go to a breeding ground, and often do a mating dance. What girl goes to a club without making themselves look hot first? And the closets thing that humans have to a breeding ground is clubs (and bar, parties, etc.), and if you're dressed to attract a mate, and you go to the breeding grounds, and you dance, you are doing a mating dance. No other animal does mating dances without the intention of finding a mate.

If a girl just wants to dance, she should not make herself appealing to guys; instead, every girl that "just wants to dance" dresses to look as hot as possible.
If a girl just wants to dance, but wants to look hot, avoid breeding grounds: go to a gay club (or bar, party, etc.).
If a girl wants to look hot and go to a breeding ground, don't dance.
If a girl wants to look hot, dance, and go to a breeding ground, but doesn't want to pick up a guy, bring a guy. Once you're taken, guys will leave you alone.

Hmm.
The dressing up hot thing comes back to the prior argument about clothing. Of course they dress to look hot - no one likes to look in the mirror and think "Gosh I do look horrid, don't I?" Plus...clubs generally have a rough dress code, and "Amish" isn't usually on there. And clubs are hot, so comfort comes into it too. It's not all for guys.

As for the gay club thing, that only works if the entire posse isn't looking for guys. Since we travel in packs, if enough want to go out and find boys, then the gay club is out.

Originally Posted by DragonBorn

Honestly, guys have to go through a lot of sh*t just to find a girl. A lot of girls do go to clubs just to be teases and get hit on, and guys have to deal with getting rejected by these girls time and time again. You girls are straight up clueless about this stuff and the potential emotional scars which can arise since none of you have to go through what we do. Say we do get your number, we have to think about when to next contact you after getting your number, whether if we should call or text, what we should say to get you to go on a date with us, what we should do on the date, then the guy has to pay for the date, etc. I can honestly go on forever about how lopsided and favorable to girls the dating scene is.

Well what do you expect? To walk up to the first girl you see and everything works out perfectly? Girls get rejected too, and it sucks for everyone. Just be realistic and realize that not every girl wants your dick, just like you don't want every girl. Imagine for a second how it feels to be the girl who never gets hit on by a guy when she wants to be - she's going through the same "shit" as you put it. In reality it's just that not everyone wants the same thing.
Rejection isn't personal Everyone has different preferences.

Originally Posted by DragonBorn

Only a small minority of girls go to clubs just to dance. At the very least, they go to clubs to be hit on and get their egos stroked by rejecting guys.

I did not realize I was in the minority then Dancing is fun.
And only a real ***** would get off on rejecting a guy. Every girl, no matter how hot, has been rejected herself, and that hurts, so they know that pain. Women aren't cold soulless beings dude.

Originally Posted by crazyfree

The dressing up hot thing comes back to the prior argument about clothing. Of course they dress to look hot - no one likes to look in the mirror and think "Gosh I do look horrid, don't I?" Plus...clubs generally have a rough dress code, and "Amish" isn't usually on there. And clubs are hot, so comfort comes into it too. It's not all for guys.

As for the gay club thing, that only works if the entire posse isn't looking for guys. Since we travel in packs, if enough want to go out and find boys, then the gay club is out.

Well what do you expect? To walk up to the first girl you see and everything works out perfectly? Girls get rejected too, and it sucks for everyone. Just be realistic and realize that not every girl wants your dick, just like you don't want every girl. Imagine for a second how it feels to be the girl who never gets hit on by a guy when she wants to be - she's going through the same "shit" as you put it. In reality it's just that not everyone wants the same thing.
Rejection isn't personal Everyone has different preferences.

Is it so much to ask that, if you don't want to be hit on, you wear a shirt that doesn't reveal cleavage, or instead of a mini-skirt, wear a skirt that stops just above the knees, or instead of tight jeans or spandex, wear looser jeans. There's more than the binary of "hot or not," it is extremely easy for a girl to look beautiful, but not hot. There are many clothing options that are good looking, but unlikely to attract a guy, so why not choose those?
Here's another suggestion: thickness. If a guy grinds with you, and can't feel your body, he won't want to grind with you. If you want, borrow a guy's clothes; guy's clothes are designed to be comfortable, but are rarely designed to be seductive.

As for travelling in packs, why don't you help guys instead of rejecting us. If one girl in a pack rejects us, and we move onto another, then we know the second girl is likely to feel like a second choice, and reject us because of that. If you're in a pack, and you're at a straight club because someone in the pack wants to pick up a guy, then help the guys out, and help your friend out. If a guy hits on you, don't just reject him, point out which of your friends he should dance with. If you see a hot guy, talk to him, and point out which girl in your pack wants a guy to hit on her. And, if I may make a recommendation, once all your friends that wants to find a guy does find a guy, move on; if nobody in the group is there to pick up guys, leave. Do they really still need you once they found a guy? And if a guy hits on you, and you're only there to dance, keep in mind that any rejection is insulting. If you're there to help your friend pick up a guy, and a guy starts hitting on you, say something like "you're really cute, but I'm just here to help my friend pick up a guy." Then, point out your friend, and if she's not already dancing with a guy, encourage the guy that just hit on you to hit on your friend. A compliment and an apology is much better than a harsh rejection.

As for how girls feel when they spend all night at a club trying to pick up a guy, and go home alone, and how girls suffer rejection too, I know what you mean. I was at a gay club once, and the closest anyone came to hitting on me was when two guys that were together (not necessarily boyfriends) walked past the couch I was sitting on and one grabbed my hand, and looked at me suggestively. Before I could react, the two boys were gone. That was it for an entire night at a gay club. I've been on both sides. I was rejected by a guy that was ashamed of the fact he's attracted to guys. I know it sucks when you put the signals out, and nobody picks you up, but that goes back to what I said earlier. The fear of rejection is crippling; it is much easier to wait to be hit on then constantly be rejected. And the fact that so many girls go to clubs just to dance is a massive deterrent. If every girl in a club wanted to be picked up, and every guy knew that, then every girl would get hit on, even if she rejects the guy. Even the ugliest girls would get picked up, because the guys with low self esteem would count themselves lucky to get any girl at all. If nobody hits on a girl, it's because everyone that would hit on her is too afraid of rejection. Like I said earlier, communicate with boys. And keep in mind: for every girl that's there "just to dance," there's a guy that becomes so afraid of this horrific slap in the face that he can't work up the confidence to hit on a girl that wants to be hit on.

Originally Posted by DragonBorn

Only a small minority of girls go to clubs just to dance. At the very least, they go to clubs to be hit on and get their egos stroked by rejecting guys.

DragonBorn for forum president.

Originally Posted by BJSchleifer

Is it so much to ask that, if you don't want to be hit on, you wear a shirt that doesn't reveal cleavage, or instead of a mini-skirt, wear a skirt that stops just above the knees, or instead of tight jeans or spandex, wear looser jeans. There's more than the binary of "hot or not," it is extremely easy for a girl to look beautiful, but not hot. There are many clothing options that are good looking, but unlikely to attract a guy, so why not choose those?

I get what you're saying, but it's also about how she feels wearing it. Personally, my legs would look like weird stumps if I wore a skirt that went to my knee. A girl wants to feel in good in what she's wearing - why should she down grade her self-esteem?

Here's another suggestion: thickness. If a guy grinds with you, and can't feel your body, he won't want to grind with you. If you want, borrow a guy's clothes; guy's clothes are designed to be comfortable, but are rarely designed to be seductive.

All I can imagine is going to the club in a snow suit. And really? Guy's clothes? Really? I'm female...if dressing according to my gender preference is going to bother guys, I think it's their problem, not mine.

As for travelling in packs, why don't you help guys instead of rejecting us. If one girl in a pack rejects us, and we move onto another, then we know the second girl is likely to feel like a second choice, and reject us because of that. If you're in a pack, and you're at a straight club because someone in the pack wants to pick up a guy, then help the guys out, and help your friend out. If a guy hits on you, don't just reject him, point out which of your friends he should dance with. If you see a hot guy, talk to him, and point out which girl in your pack wants a guy to hit on her. And, if I may make a recommendation, once all your friends that wants to find a guy does find a guy, move on; if nobody in the group is there to pick up guys, leave. Do they really still need you once they found a guy? And if a guy hits on you, and you're only there to dance, keep in mind that any rejection is insulting. If you're there to help your friend pick up a guy, and a guy starts hitting on you, say something like "you're really cute, but I'm just here to help my friend pick up a guy." Then, point out your friend, and if she's not already dancing with a guy, encourage the guy that just hit on you to hit on your friend. A compliment and an apology is much better than a harsh rejection.

I know you're saying this in general, and not just to me, but ...trust me, I get this.
I'm the best wing-woman .
And as for the rejection, I do that too already I just don't like it when, after I nicely say sorry and explain that I have a boyfriend, they decide to argue with me. It goes both ways - respect that not every girl wants to dance with you. It's not a personal attack. Like I said before, not every girl will want your dick, just like not every guy will want every girl. Of course I understand it helps if girls are nice at least, which I think the majority at least try to be...I think...

As for how girls feel when they spend all night at a club trying to pick up a guy, and go home alone, and how girls suffer rejection too, I know what you mean. I was at a gay club once, and the closest anyone came to hitting on me was when two guys that were together (not necessarily boyfriends) walked past the couch I was sitting on and one grabbed my hand, and looked at me suggestively. Before I could react, the two boys were gone. That was it for an entire night at a gay club. I've been on both sides. I was rejected by a guy that was ashamed of the fact he's attracted to guys. I know it sucks when you put the signals out, and nobody picks you up, but that goes back to what I said earlier. The fear of rejection is crippling; it is much easier to wait to be hit on then constantly be rejected. And the fact that so many girls go to clubs just to dance is a massive deterrent. If every girl in a club wanted to be picked up, and every guy knew that, then every girl would get hit on, even if she rejects the guy. Even the ugliest girls would get picked up, because the guys with low self esteem would count themselves lucky to get any girl at all. If nobody hits on a girl, it's because everyone that would hit on her is too afraid of rejection. Like I said earlier, communicate with boys. And keep in mind: for every girl that's there "just to dance," there's a guy that becomes so afraid of this horrific slap in the face that he can't work up the confidence to hit on a girl that wants to be hit on.

Thank you for sharing that story, and I'm glad you can understand that perspective.
However ...."it is much easier to wait to be hit on then constantly be rejected" is it though? Every guy that isn't interested can be perceived as a rejection. Just like how a guy may feel he was rejected because he's ugly or whatever. It's just not the truth on either account. Everyone just needs to try being a little less sensitive.


Also...this is my theory about why rejection hurts a girl more:
Stereotype is that guys will basically **** anything that moves. Therefore this is the impression that girls often have. I'm not saying it's true.
Girls on the other hand are "expected" to be far pickier in choosing a mate. Again, not saying that this is true, just the general perception.
So when a girl turns down a guy it's not unexpected - 'girls are picky', and therefore you might not meet her exact desires. It doesn't mean a guy is substandard, just not to her specifications.

On the other hand, if a girl is rejected by a guy, she will feel she must truly be the ugliest thing on the planet if a guy (who according to societal stereotypes will take what they can get) turns her down.

Unrelated I know, but..yeah

Aside from the back and forth going about in this thread:

There's a sometimes paradoxical overlapping distinction between dressing hot and dressing like I-would-hope-every-guy-in-this-room-is-thinking-about-trying-to-get-into-my-pants. And some girls do dress like the latter, even when in a relationship, because it makes them feel good.

And despite all you have to say about women's rights and the right to dress how you want and to feel good, there's this thing called common sense. And when you're in a relationship, it's sometimes good to use common sense. Because the feelings of insecurity brought about by such attire may very well be warranted.

I'm not saying don't dress to look hot. In fact, I'm not saying anything. Good night.

male or female, insecurity is unattractive as s hit.

Your boyfriend clearly has some security issues. I think what you should do is sit down and talk with him about it. Does he have girls that are his friends.. if so.. the problem could be a power struggle?
You shouldn't have to leave your friends if they are of the opposite sex just because your boyfriend tells you so. Just make sure you are strictly friends and that he is aware of that. I hope it all gets resolved soon! Best of luck

Your boyfriend is acting normal to behave that way,he is jealous and being honest about it,which is good.There is absolutely nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex.We are different and live by different set of principles.The idea is not to please him by leaving all your friends but the two of you must work something out so he can trust you with you guy friends.sometimes it takes a just a simple talk.hope it helps

12chaaaaars.

Ditch him. That is not a healthy and loving relationship if he can't let you have guy friends. Especially unfair if he has girl friends too.