How do you feel when your bf hangs out with only a girl and him? if your honestly fine with that, talk to him about it

thats what i call an overraective bf. tell him u deserve to have guys friends. its like saying a guy cant hang out with other girls if he has a gf. wtf? as long as he understands they are just friends, but some idiots cant get that into their head and some dumb girls end up sleeping with someone else . -_-

I think there's a difference between jealousy and obsessive. If he's jealous then it's kind of annoying, but he has to learn that you still have a life other than him. If he's being obsessive and getting angry over it, then it's not healthy. One of the reasons I stopped seeing someone is because he couldn't accept the fact that my best friend is also a gay guy, it's perfectly normal to have platonic friends of the preferred gender.

I love how everybody here is a relationship expert.

Originally Posted by Stock

I love how everybody here is a relationship expert.

The lady just asked for our opinions, not for expert advice.

Advice on the internet is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're going to get.

Originally Posted by Stock

I love how everybody here is a relationship expert.

Haha. A lot of it is simple common sense, really.

@OP- There's a lot of factors that come into play as others have mentioned. But first and foremost definitely talk to your BF about why it bothers him so much. Is it your guy friend, something he's done, or just jealousy that you tend to talk to this one person like you talk to him. I've had a friend who actually fell into the trap of listening to her BF telling her which guy friends to talk to and which ones not to. Needless to say, she had to compromise, a LOT. It's not at all pleasant watching that unfold, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to do that to a good friend. Also, explain to him your point of view of this one friend, maybe he'll be more understanding that way. After 4 years, I would imagine there's at least some trust for the relationship to last this long, so there's definitely something else that's causing your BF to feel that way. Has it happened before at all? Or is just this one friend..

If your bf of 4 years finds it uncomfortable for you to be friends with another guy, maybe you should respect his wishes. You honestly don't think this guy friend of yours doesn't want to get in your pants? Don't be so naive.

It's completely acceptable for your bf to feel uncomfortable, and if he was man enough to mention it, I think you should acknowledge it. If you're not willing to, maybe your boyfriend needs to realize he should be with someone who treats him better and actually respects him.

What if some slut was hanging out with him all the time?
Would you think that she was there for friendship?

Originally Posted by REPLEKIA/.

Advice on the internet is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're going to get.

I never got this quote... Given brand names, reputations, and mass production most people expect some degree of standardization in their boxes of chocolates these days...

Were you friends with this guy first, or did you have your bf first? And is there really any reason for your bf to be jealous? About half of my friends are guys and they're all a lot closer to me than my girl friends., especially since my bff is a guy. If my bf didn't like that fact, then my bf would have to go. That's just in my case, however. Maybe introduce your friend and your bf and see if you can all be friends. And blackdragon makes a really good point, how do you feel about him having friends who are girls? If you're not comfotable with that, then that's a double standard.

If this has been a recurring problem over 4 years, it'll only get worse if you don't get to the bottom of it. Whether or not his jealousy is justified depends on how you act around the guy friend. Flirting and such. Honestly, if you've assured your boyfriend (for 4 years now?) that the guy friend is really just a friend, and your boyfriend doesn't trust you enough to believe you... well, then there's something wrong with your relationship that likely goes deeper than his issues with your guy friend.

It's quite possible that your relationship involves psychological sadism and masochism, which is quite common in immature relationships, where people are not yet aware of the norms of a healthy relationship and unaware of danger signals that can be caught early on. Here's the general pattern:

1. Relationship starts out fine, both people are on their best behaviour and riding the euphoria of new love and so on.
2. Thrill begins to wear off. The sadist becomes more domineering, and this may manifest as jealousy or a need to constantly be the focus of the masochist's attention. It's flattering at first.
3. What the sadist is doing eventually gets to be too much, and culminates in some sort of argument. In extreme cases, violence against the masochist or another. The sadist repents. Says "never again," acts really sweet for a while.
4. The build up of domination, culminate point, and repentance repeat over a couple times. It's a cycle. It can go on for years.
5. Eventually the masochist recognizes the pattern or grows the balls to get the **** out.
6. Messy break up, sadist often refuses to accept it for a while. Possible harrassment.

You probably saw a lot of this in highschool.


Compare: 90% of my friends here are guys. There's one guy who I go to just about all my classes with, partner up with in lab, and do homework with often. The boyfriend is at another uni, and is glad I've fallen in with the group of 5 guys on my floor, and they treat him like one of the group when he's here and we're not busy "playing Starcraft." It's not that he wouldn't voice jealousy either; he's very direct and open when he's upset about something. Nothing like the ridiculous kid who threw an emo fit every time my attention moved from him to someone else for more than two minutes.


TL;DR: "Playing Starcraft" is one of my personal euphemisms for sex.

Thank you everyone for your quick responses!

To answer some of your questions, I have, on multiple occassions, tried to ask him why he is so bothered by this, but his answers are kind of flat, like "it's just wrong".... he doesn't really give reasons...it's like it's obvious to him and he expects it to be obvious to me, but it isn't... Actually, one of the reasons why I wanted to make this post was b/c he was so adamant that his view is 'the common view' and that I was just crazy for thinking otherwise and so I wanted to see what other people think.

I've tried to explain to him that I wouldn't mind if he had friends that are girls, because I trust him, I know that it's not within his character to cheat, and I know that I'm the one he wants to be with. It kinda hurts me that after 4 years he doesn't trust me in that same kind of way. I've asked him if he's ever been cheated on in the past but he says no, although he has friends that have been...

One thing for sure though, is that it IS just jelousy and not obsessive/possessiveness.... like he would never actually physically stop me from talking to my friend, he just gets upset.

Anyway, thanks for all your opinions, they are quite insightful.

Originally Posted by JEFF_CHAN

I never got this quote... Given brand names, reputations, and mass production most people expect some degree of standardization in their boxes of chocolates these days...

You know when you buy the box of fancy chocolates and they all have different fillings? Without that little card that tells you which shape is which filling, you'd have no idea what you're going to get. In the movie, Forrest offers a stranger a chocolate from his box, so they have no idea what flavour they would get since they don't have the card handy.

Example:

There's like 20 flavours in here. can you ID them all?

Originally Posted by Cliu91

What if some slut was hanging out with him all the time?
Would you think that she was there for friendship?

Who said anything about sluts? I'm not a slut, and my guy friend is not a slut..... Unless, that is, you are implying that all guys ARE sluts?

Originally Posted by Ellywinkle

Who said anything about sluts? I'm not a slut, and my guy friend is not a slut..... Unless, that is, you are implying that all guys ARE sluts?

They are also perverted.