Originally Posted by jackiemac

If they don't know there will be struggles, it will be quite a surprise. Personally speaking, we've had our fair share of crap (chronic disease for one and a business that failed) but at the end of the day I know for certain that my spouse is the man I want to be with. He's got my back, always. Most days, he'd even say the same.

I didn't so much mean that people don't know as people don't accept that its part of a relationship. I guess its probably part of the mentality of the age group I'm in right now. Its great that you and your spouse have such a positive relationship

I don't think people should consider themselves in a real relationship until they suffered through some real hard times together. It's easy to have a relationship when everything is good. But if you can get through the hard times together, you know that you can probably face anything together. It's when you really get an idea of what a person is made of, and if they really truly love you, and are actually ready to stick around through sickness, and through poverty.

That counts for people who are married too. If you haven't suffered through things and come out the other end, you're still just dating in terms of emotional depth. That's part of why divorces happen. Things get tough and you realize that once he's broke, or she's ill or whatever, you didn't really want that person but the idea of what a marriage should be.

Of course divorce happens for other reasons too, but that's one part of it.

Anyway, nah I don't think marriage is outdated, I just think it gives people an excuse to stop trying, which is key to a relationship. But I do want to get married regardless

I think a lot of it has to do with how long you've known your partner and your reasons for getting married. I've heard of people getting married after knowing each other for only a year, and personally I think that's risky. Like others have said, I think you need to go through some tough times to truly know that you want to be with that person forever. There are a lot of people who date someone in highschool, have a great relationship through college/university, then get married - without having experienced a lot of problems you encounter in "the real world".

If you marry someone, that person is your licensed personal heater.

Originally Posted by ...?!

What she said. So accurate.

I'm pretty cynical, but I wouldn't go as far to say it doesn't exist. It's kind of like aliens in the sense that I'm certain it exists, but people blinded by passion go out and declare that they've found it when all they really found was what they wanted to see.

Except fewer people have found aliens.

Is the concept of marriage outdated? I don't think the concept of making a commitment to spend the rest of your life with someone you care deeply about is outdated. I think it is however both overrated and underrated: some people fly into a marriage when they're not ready because parents or social conventions say they should, that it's the next step of their life and something that needs to be done...but certainly carrying on a commited monogamous relationship where you can rely on one another is nothing to scoff at. I just don't think the idea of marriage should be quite so flowery. If you're getting married because you want to walk down the aisle in a fancy dress to pick up your arm candy, maybe think again.

Do I plan on getting married? Yes, if I can find the right person. I just don't want a big wedding with people stressing out about what flowers to order and fighting over whether the cake should be chocolate or vanilla. I'd either elope or have just immediate family present, and then have some sort of low budget party for friends and relatives later. I'm not usually one to knock tradition but I think what weddings have become kind of overshadow what it's really all about.

Divorce rate where? In Canada? North America?

In Asia its super low

Originally Posted by blackdragon

Divorce rate where? In Canada? North America?

In Asia its super low

just cause divorces are low doesn't mean they are living happily. There are more restrictions, more conservative society and divorcing is considered wrong. So many women cut through with a dumb-ass husband cause otherwise she would be an embarrassment to her family. I am from Asia btw.

Yeah I'll prolly get married.

Originally Posted by RockerSocker

Divorce rate is at 60%, it seems like people these days all have ADD and can't settle down so what's the point? True love doesn't exist, studies show passion only lasts for a few years. Also, I don't care for stories about grandparents being happily married for like 80 years or whatever, those were different times back then, I doubt you'll hear many stories like that in our generation.

This is my take on it:

I am not really sure what your definition of "true love" is, but it is more than just butterflies in your stomach or valentines day.
Much of the problem today is that people often confuse lust, infatuation, and co-dependance with the love that is to be shared in the gift of marriage.
There is little or no importance given to commitment while, tremendous value to the outward expression of it. There is more of "I" in a marriage than "we" or "us"- much of which is key to a marriage's existence.

The purpose of marriage should definitely NOT be to have sex or for the status it might bring. It should be sincere, and not materialistic.
Of course this doesn't mean that there won't be attractions to people outside their marriage, but its the self-control and honest commitment to the other which holds the union strong.
Marriage is not just for the world to see the couple's love for each other, rather it is for them to grow in love with each other, to bring out the best in each other and to selflessly give of themselves to the other (NOT just for times when one is "in the mood")

So to answer your statement about why much of our generation is different from our grandparents, it is because our society has altered the meaning of selfless love and sincerity for the other. They have put more emphasis on the feeling of love (for ex: the Bachelor), rather than act of showing it through character. And, the biggest setback is that unlike those 60% of divorced couples, our grandparents and great-grandparents didn't fail to notice that God instituted their union.

all this is because of **** people now want the perfect ____star

I plan on getting married about the time I graduate

Originally Posted by mfattal

all this is because of **** people now want the perfect ____star

I plan on getting married about the time I graduate

If you're talking about pr0n I think you're wrong.

Who looks for a pron star spouse? First of all they do not even represent the general population well, and you have to be dumb to not realize that.

Secondly, media in general may influence our opinions of what a spouse should be like but I highly doubt that people take pr0n seriously enough that it could be the main culprit of the shift in thinking.

Also, I don't think you should try to plan important life events like that. It kinda ruins the fun.

Originally Posted by mfattal

all this is because of **** people now want the perfect ____star

I plan on getting married about the time I graduate

haha rofl. yea i want my wife with big silicon balloons and donkey lips.

Originally Posted by UlteriorMtve

If you're talking about pr0n I think you're wrong.

Who looks for a pron star spouse? First of all they do not even represent the general population well, and you have to be dumb to not realize that.

Secondly, media in general may influence our opinions of what a spouse should be like but I highly doubt that people take pr0n seriously enough that it could be the main culprit of the shift in thinking.

Also, I don't think you should try to plan important life events like that. It kinda ruins the fun.

ya i meant Media sorry

people want the perfect wife they see on tv and believe that shit is real

thats the problem

dont forget the many men who cut through with a dumb-ass wife