or you could nut up and approach them.

Clearly you missed the whole post I had written beside the last line.

I wouldnt want to be with a woman who was trapped within the cage that gender roles create. I dont want all of the garbage society forces on people to be a burden upon my mate.

Yo, I'm all for taking charge and making the first move, but it's just HOT when it's the guy that initiates it. XD Doesn't have anything to do with gender roles. XD

Originally Posted by Rossclot

I dont subscribe to the archaic gender roles people cling to as a way of giving themselves comfort as opposed to being a human being. It's called equal rights. If women can sit around doing nothing waiting for some man to approach them, then I can sit around waiting for a woman who isnt a total gender roles sheep to approach me.

I didn't mean it to be exclusively on gender roles (it's just a common phrase you know?) though admittedly those archaic and stereotypical views/actions are still evident whether its on a personal level of thinking or rooted culturally. Hell, men are generally more outgoing in their ways in finding a partner so it's expected. But yeah I agree that how I've said it points to that rather exclusively so now I'll elaborated.

It's not so much an issue of rights as it is with dealing with a societal norm. Many people do not agree, whether men or women, with just living idly and waiting for someone; that does not make sense/work. I mean being an adult and taking initiative. From that one post I have to go by it seems like you are just waiting and not doing anything to provoke being approached even. Okay, technically I wouldn't know since I haven't read anything by you working on your approachability. XD Are you approachable for help? Do you use your wit to make people laugh? Do you work on your image? etc.

Don't worry about dating "skills". The hurdle it seems for you is that first step in even establishing interest. Sure you see a lot of women out there who aren't afraid to make the first move, but you must give them a reason to come to you. So if it comes to a point where you start wondering why no one is going for you make some reassessment. It's a two sided coin, both parties should interest the other and act on it.

Originally Posted by Rossclot

I guess there just arent enough women who arent total slaves to how they need to act to display their social genitalia. I guess some woman just needs to nut up and approach me.

This is a loaded statement. Not enough? You should go out more and see for youself that many women don't fit in that typecast. Then again I may interpret this wrong because...wtf is "social genitalia"? >_>

I can understand that, but you have to realize that I couldnt be in a relationship with someone who hasnt broken out of society's mold, and knowing who has and who hasnt broken out is terribly difficult. I need every bit of help, and every indicator I can use to figure it out.

I dont want to be in a relationship with someone who is imposing requirements on me that stem from things she has inferred that society requires her to demand from me for her to reinforce her identity as a woman. That was confusing. I can put up with a lot of crazy, that is no problem. If the crazy belongs to you, I can carry more than you can give me, but when that crazy isnt yours? When it is societal crazy you dont even need, but feel you should have to define yourself as a woman, I wont put up with that. It is the "gender issues" equivalent of saying "I like myself because people think I'm pretty". Bah!

And now we all get to peer into the reasons why I am single. How did this thread turn into this?

Originally Posted by Rossclot

I can understand that, but you have to realize that I couldnt be in a relationship with someone who hasnt broken out of society's mold, and knowing who has and who hasnt broken out is terribly difficult. I need every bit of help, and every indicator I can use to figure it out.

I dont want to be in a relationship with someone who is imposing requirements on me that stem from things she has inferred that society requires her to demand from me for her to reinforce her identity as a woman. That was confusing. I can put up with a lot of crazy, that is no problem. If the crazy belongs to you, I can carry more than you can give me, but when that crazy isnt yours? When it is societal crazy you dont even need, but feel you should have to define yourself as a woman, I wont put up with that. It is the "gender issues" equivalent of saying "I like myself because people think I'm pretty". Bah!

And now we all get to peer into the reasons why I am single. How did this thread turn into this?

So you want someone who likes herself for the type of person she knows she is not because of what other people say.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
"Social Genitals" - noun - | ˈsō-shəl ˈje-nə-təlz |

Social genitals are traits used to identify your gender. Social genitals may come in the form of clothing, appearance, posturings, behaviors, language, mannerisms, etc.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

"Sex" of a person is typically identified by genitals, (or genetics, but both have problems with dividing the population into two groups). Because your gender is more complex, there are more things you can do to identify it. You can chose what traits to demonstrate, but effectively, your gender is chosen by everyone but you, based on how they perceive you. And obviously your sexuality is a whole other bag of biscuits. All three are unrelated (one doesn't necessarily imply another), but people like to think that all three are connected. The collection of traits that define how people will perceive your gender are you "Social Genitals". Even if you break away from this system (as I strive to), because it is based on how people percieve you, I will always have social gentitals until other people stop trying to perceive what gender I am.

I didn't come up with the term, I stole it from Dr. Gilbert from York who came up with the wonderful term.


And my tactic is to look pretty and mysterious while I sit and wait. So if you wont approach me, be sure to drink in the awesomeness, it's free. You can stare; I dont mind.

Rossclot, you're just acting like those girls in the past who would sit around, look pretty, and do nothing. So I don't commend you at all. Don't think you are a hero or that any of those girls you are talking about are "breaking the mold" 'cause trust me, they aren't thinking about societal roles. They just want to go out with you.

The new (and might I add GOOD) trend is for both men and women to take the initiative to show that they are looking. Parents are not involved in the equation anymore. Arranged marriages were usually set up in the past; and the guy would have to ask through the father, and so on. That's not the case nowadays.

All I'm saying is that both are doing work now. You on the other hand, are just flipping societal roles which sucks ass.

Originally Posted by Rossclot

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
"Social Genitals" - noun - | ˈsō-shəl ˈje-nə-təlz |

Social genitals are traits used to identify your gender. Social genitals may come in the form of clothing, appearance, posturings, behaviors, language, mannerisms, etc.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

"Sex" of a person is typically identified by genitals, (or genetics, but both have problems with dividing the population into two groups). Because your gender is more complex, there are more things you can do to identify it. You can chose what traits to demonstrate, but effectively, your gender is chosen by everyone but you, based on how they perceive you. And obviously your sexuality is a whole other bag of biscuits. All three are unrelated (one doesn't necessarily imply another), but people like to think that all three are connected. The collection of traits that define how people will perceive your gender are you "Social Genitals". Even if you break away from this system (as I strive to), because it is based on how people percieve you, I will always have social gentitals until other people stop trying to perceive what gender I am.

I didn't come up with the term, I stole it from Dr. Gilbert from York who came up with the wonderful term.


And my tactic is to look pretty and mysterious while I sit and wait. So if you wont approach me, be sure to drink in the awesomeness, it's free. You can stare; I dont mind.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rationalization_(fall acy)

Its really interesting to see defense mechanisms in action.

Parents stepped out of the picture and advertising stepped in to keep things in check.

The current trend is not that both take advantage. Look around you. The trend is that men have to be men and make all the moves. It is no different then watching a peacock strut around and do a stupid dance. We need to be above such archaic displays. We have developed brains, we should use them.

Parnian, from your comment I get the feeling that you are about 20 pages behind what I am saying. I am not saying this as an insult, I just think there are subtle things you might be missing that I really dont feel like discussing.

Originally Posted by Tailsnake

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rationalization_(fall acy)

Its really interesting to see defense mechanisms in action.

I'm glad you said it.

I think it's funny how you openly admit to being too deafly afraid of talking to girls, then acting like hot shit, then making up some excuses as to why girls should approach you.

ITT: humor.

Originally Posted by Rossclot

Parnian, from your comment I get the feeling that you are about 20 pages behind what I am saying. I am not saying this as an insult, I just think there are subtle things you might be missing that I really dont feel like discussing.

I'm sorry but what's your solution? You just stated 1 post above that your solution is to sit back and look pretty. You said it yourself.

You have issues regarding dating. That is all.

You can't expect a woman to approach a man, unless that guy is tall and handsome which I'm just going to assume you're not. The most you'll get from a girl when it comes to approaching you is her making eye contact and smiling.

I agree that women seem to want equal rights in everything, yet they still conform to societal standards set over 50 years ago. Guys have to deal with all the anxiety when it comes to approaching and having a convo with a girl (e.g. leading the convo), the possibility of that girl rejecting you, asking girls out on dates, having to plan for the dates, paying for the dates, if you're at a bar/club, girls expect you to buy drinks for them, etc. the list goes on and on. Obviously there are some girls who don't conform to these rules, but they're extremely rare.

I think some people are mistaking bits of humor for bi-polarity or psychological issues.

fail

Originally Posted by Souldier

You can't expect a woman to approach a man, unless that guy is tall and handsome which I'm just going to assume you're not. The most you'll get from a girl when it comes to approaching you is her making eye contact and smiling.

I agree that women seem to want equal rights in everything, yet they still conform to societal standards set over 50 years ago. Guys have to deal with all the anxiety when it comes to approaching and having a convo with a girl (e.g. leading the convo), the possibility of that girl rejecting you, asking girls out on dates, having to plan for the dates, paying for the dates, if you're at a bar/club, girls expect you to buy drinks for them, etc. the list goes on and on. Obviously there are some girls who don't conform to these rules, but they're extremely rare.

Rights do not equate to standards. Those standards set 50 years ago (more like forever) are still prevalant, but have you wondered why? I won't be surprised if you yourself would first look at an attractive woman or that you would view pornography only of attractive women. And, dude you are so old fashioned. The playing field is quite even now, men AND women decide on those things together.

Women deal with the same anxiety as men. Don't fool yourself. In many ways, women are forced to conform because it is thrown at them continuously like no tomorrow so it is extremely hard to break out of a mould. Just look around you, man. How many couples do you see of hot women with regular joes as opposed to hot men with regular janes? There is more of the former. Have you ever wondered why many gay men are fit (many will argue this is stereotypical)? Because image is more so important to men especially at first meeting.

Originally Posted by Rossclot

<<snip, thanks for the explanation since I never heard that term before>>

And my tactic is to look pretty and mysterious while I sit and wait. So if you wont approach me, be sure to drink in the awesomeness, it's free. You can stare; I dont mind.

I find you interesting, I'd date you but really staring at you won't tell me about yourself. :p Okay I get it's a joke, but just in case someone will take that seriously.

I agree that one's partner should not shoulder work in reinforcing or establishing gender identity since I believe that's a personal matter, but you will never find someone who is truly out of society's mould in that regard. A little reinforcement or expectation from you is not a bad thing. I can understand why people are opposed to this such as they themselves not wanting to fit a mould like say being buff/macho, but you'll find that every person has their own preference.

I find you interesting, I'd date you

Just made my day.


I love how I try to help my friend with dating and all I get is women throwing themselves at me, I must be fairly nifty.

For all of you who doubted the technique, my sit and be pretty method is clearly working.


(p.s. this is me attempting humor, not being a douche)